what they do to you

ok. so wht did i do wrong to deserve this?
he broke up with me.
i was datin him for a while and i thought he really liked me.
he told all of his friends that. i was his top on everything. he made me feel...beautiful.
but as soon as i feel like there is something there, he pulls it out in fron of me and says:
"hey lauren, how are you? look im just gonna write this straight up.. i just dont feel right about this situation or whatever, i mean i think there is some other guy that you would be a lot better with than me. besides you would never see me, your mom hates me, so lets be normal friends... what do ya say? "

he didnt even know my mom that well and for a fact, she liked him!
he made me happy, smart and skinny
now he makes me feel like crap and that i dont matter to anyone.
i think my "best friend" told him some stuff that shouldnt have been said like that i broke up with my other boyfriend for him.
one second he was like "dude, i like this girl...a lot."
another its like, "screw her man. theres other girls out there"
"no, i do, did, i dont know how i feel..... alright this is gonna sound really strange, but i feel i like i have one girl out there for me and for some reason any girl thats her just makes me feel weird....... thats the most retarted thing in the world youve ever heard, but thats kinda how i feel i guess."

that was some more of the conversation.
to you it might be like "god this isnt that bad. why is she freaking out"
a) im not freaking out
b) i really liked him and he said (along with other people) that he liked me.
i dont know. it really hurt and i just dont know what to do anymore.
i f****** stayed up with him from 11:00 at night to 5:00 in the morning to talk to him because he couldnt sleep
and he knew this was a bad time for me right now. with problems at my house and in my family...its just really bad that its gotten to the point of cutting myself again. its pretty bad

if you read this whole thing, thanks. i needed to get it out without punching something or yelling. at least not right now at midnight.
i just really hate him right now for doing this.
and i know sooner or later im gonna forgive him
and i hate myself for getting in this situation.
and now my mom is gonna be like "i told you so"

god. why did this have to happen? to me and right now?
Posted on September 9th, 2007 at 06:07am

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