The Unimportance of a Good First Impression.

K, so this is a speech I wrote for English, so that's why it's written as if I'm speaking it. It went terribly, but still;

To be perfectly honest, I don’t really know how to start this speech, which may give off a bad first impression. Coincidentally, this steers us quite comfortably onto the topic of my speech, and therefore contradicts what I have already said about not knowing how to introduce it. My chosen topic is “The Unimportance of a Good First Impression”

So, why do people feel the need to create a good first impression? Well this raging obsession can be applied to all kinds of situations in which you would meet new people; a job interview, dating, parties and weddings are just some of these joyous occasions in which you are expected to create a good first impression, and fool people into thinking you’re someone you’re not. Maybe it’s just me, but I find trying to act like you’re an interesting, lovely person to meet amazingly tiresome. Maybe it comes easily to others, who are naturally respectable, pleasant people who can strike up a conversation about things so dull as paperclips, and make them seem fascinating. Maybe I’m just a sour, irksome person with an extreme absence of niceness, who nobody would have the ‘pleasure’ of knowing and is as dull as paperclips.

One person who gives off a ‘sweet’ first impression is Nigella Lawson. You might think it’s kind of biased and savage to pick on glorious Nigella like this, but seeing as this is a persuasive speech, I feel I can be as opinionated as I want. One thing that really riled me upon watching her new show, Nigella Express, is the things she says. “After a hard days work, I just like to do as little cooking as possible”
Wait a minute Nigella, isn’t that basically all you do? Translated into more cynical terms, this means “After a day of a bit of cooking, I don’t want to do anything.” Now, we wouldn’t want to bother poor Nigella after a hard days work other wise she might... be nice to us. That’s the thing, she gives of the impression of incredulous, relentless pleasantness. She gives off the impression of being almost as sweet as the food she is cooking. She looks it too; freshly make-upped to perfection. Maybe her face is pre-prepared in the freezer next the her frozen fruit crumble.
Does she enjoy this?; knowing that there are adoring brainwashed fans up and down the country, thinking she’s the adorable little sweetheart she pretends to be. She could do whatever she wants; rob a bank; burn down a barn or even cook a swan, and no one would think any the worse of her.

First impressions must be trendy. David, or should I say ‘Dave’ Cameron certainly seems to think so. He’s managed to twist his way round creating a first impression, and plaguing everyone with a second, third and even fourth one, not to mention quite a few others. It basically defeats the object of a first impression. Remember that video on his ever-so-trendy youtube page? The one showing him doing the washing up. Ah, what a family man. But he’s made a fatal mistake. Who washes up with their sleeves rolled down and cufflinks on? David Cameron does apparently. It’s not only this one thing he tries to deceive us with. David Cameron has a new first impression for all the family! For the eco-conscious among us, there’s Green-Cameron, riding his bike to work (Well, with the car behind him...); For the technology lovers, there’s Webcameron, brainwashing us through the medium of the internet; and for the moody, hoodie-wearing teenager there’s ‘Dave’ (Be careful though, he might want a hug).

Some strong advice , usually given in a stern voice, about dating and job interviews ‘alike’ is to look people in the eye, which is something that I am quite aware that I don’t do. Personal appearance is seemingly very important, as well as being something that I don’t pride myself on. As well as this it is ‘not advisable to wear heavy makeup. It’s not a good idea to have alternative hairstyles, and overall, be optimistic!’. However, I’m not blaming my lifetime of unemployment on this. If a potential employer wants to know what a potential employee is really like, they should be shown what they’re really like, rather than some evidently false cover up used as a desperate attempt to get the job. Although, these obviously false disguises probably do give the employer a fair idea of what they’ve been given the choice of employing... Either that, or they’re just really thick.

In my old school, we were’nt allowed to write on our hands, especially not with a biro. I’m guessing this might’ve been to give off a good impression to OFSTED people wandering round. What would they have thought if we had written on our hands using biro? “Cor, these kids are pretty dirty. I’m willing to bet the school’s to blame. You’ve tried to stop them eh? Don’t want the children getting ink poisoning? A likely story.” And then they would proceed to scribble a little “school discouraging washing” comment on their note paper whilst frowning and tutting disapprovingly. Perish the thought.

But why do I not agree with this obsession of deluding people to think that I am something that I’m not? Well, there’s a reason. I personally don’t think people should pretend to be something they’re not. Of course, it can’t do much harm from the side which benefits from it. The side who manages to cheat their way to the top by fooling people into believing anything they choose to make up. But how would you like it, meeting a friend, and then realising they’re only trying to be with you to get to someone else, or that they don’t really like you, or that they don’t really own a ‘well cool car, keep a leopard in their cellar or are able to jump over their own house’. I think trust is a fairly important part of any real ‘friendship’. Also, I think what makes a ‘good’ impression is just a matter of opinion, as are my views on art, music and basically everything else I find myself arguing about, so really what I’m saying is, a first impression doesn’t matter.

And so, partially because I can’t think of anything else to say, and therefore draw this speech to a close, I hope you didn’t think that was too bad a first impression.