What Happened?
This is just a bunch of rambled thoughts put together, and to be honest, I have no idea how this will come out. I'm just so upset and confused. So exuse me if this comes out jumbled, and senseless.
That's the question I ask myself just about everyday.
What happened to the days when hormones weren't apart of our every day life. When we were little kids, and the opposite gender(boys in my case) had cooties and you wouldn't even hug them. For me it was rare that I would talk to a boy, in fear I would catch some deathly disease. Kissing was disgusting too me, and the word "sex" made me crack up with my friends till I was in tears. We'd make all these jokes, telling eachother to say '6' over and over until it sounded like we were saying sex, and it was so funny to us.
We had no clue about heartbreak, or pain for that matter. We were young. We didn't know anything about the real world. We really had no sense of reality...and I really miss that. What happened to the days where we went to bed happy, thinking of what game we'd play tomorrow. And not go to bed, tossing and turning, in tears thinking about a boy.
Society to us never worried about trying to impress a boy. Mom and dad always 'loved' eachother in most cases.
What happened to the days where we thought we knew life & love ended perfectly, just like in fairy tales?
The days where we wanted to grow up to be princesses, and couldn't wait for our happily ever after. Looking back, it makes me really wonder why I'd ever want to be past the age of 10. We never gave it a thought, that some day we might get a divorce. We'd have the simplist, harmless dreams. We thought everyone was happy, and life was great.
What happened?
Being a little girl, those were the days. Sure I had to put up with my parents litterally screaming at eachother 24/7, and all the fighting. All the crying. But you know what, it was so much better then than it is now. That was all I had to be afraid of, my dad & my parents divorcing.
I never gave it a second thought, of never waking up again. I never gave suicide a thought. I never thought about death. I never thought about harming myself over a guy, especially actually doing it. We never felt helpless or lonely, we'd always have our mom there for us. Or our dad. Everyone was our best friend, and there was no one telling us the way we should be. We didn't worry about the latest fashions, who dated who, who was skinnier, what the latest gossip is, who's sleeping with who etc.
I wish I could just go back. I'm so fkn sick of all the hurt and heartbreak. I'm so sick of being crushed, and only living so I can feel those few seconds of happiness being with him. I'm so sick of being in so much pain...and all because of one person.
Getting your hopes up seems to be the biggest mistake. But it's the direction we always seem to go in. At first the path seems so friggin clear, it's too good to be true. But then once you feel your almost there..BAM. Something pushes you out of the way, back to where you started, only this time a clear barrier stopping you from moving any further. And it crushes you, and kills you from the inside out, but you just won't die. No matter how close you feel to death...you just, don't die. It turns out it always was to go too be true. But you still can see that path you're longing for, and the reality is full of pins and needles stabbing at your heart. Sometimes you never get there, but if your lucky, you make it. Wishing, and dreaming for it only gets you so far. People say your wishes & dreams will come true if you try...but things like these can't be changed. You can't try your hardest to be with someone so untouchable, it just doesn't work that way. Soon it becomes something as simple as them recognising you, that makes your heart flutter. That puts that huge smile on your face, and makes you laugh. Then theres a crushing reality of it being taken away. Something maybe as simple as them, actually talking to you, smiling at you, and laughing with you. Those few moments make you feel so alive it's unbelievable. But the perfect things in life always have to come too an end. But it seems like the bad things never do.
What happened to the times when none of this existed in your playground world?
What happened to when one person couldn't do this too you?
That's the question I ask myself just about everyday.
What happened to the days when hormones weren't apart of our every day life. When we were little kids, and the opposite gender(boys in my case) had cooties and you wouldn't even hug them. For me it was rare that I would talk to a boy, in fear I would catch some deathly disease. Kissing was disgusting too me, and the word "sex" made me crack up with my friends till I was in tears. We'd make all these jokes, telling eachother to say '6' over and over until it sounded like we were saying sex, and it was so funny to us.
We had no clue about heartbreak, or pain for that matter. We were young. We didn't know anything about the real world. We really had no sense of reality...and I really miss that. What happened to the days where we went to bed happy, thinking of what game we'd play tomorrow. And not go to bed, tossing and turning, in tears thinking about a boy.
Society to us never worried about trying to impress a boy. Mom and dad always 'loved' eachother in most cases.
What happened to the days where we thought we knew life & love ended perfectly, just like in fairy tales?
The days where we wanted to grow up to be princesses, and couldn't wait for our happily ever after. Looking back, it makes me really wonder why I'd ever want to be past the age of 10. We never gave it a thought, that some day we might get a divorce. We'd have the simplist, harmless dreams. We thought everyone was happy, and life was great.
What happened?
Being a little girl, those were the days. Sure I had to put up with my parents litterally screaming at eachother 24/7, and all the fighting. All the crying. But you know what, it was so much better then than it is now. That was all I had to be afraid of, my dad & my parents divorcing.
I never gave it a second thought, of never waking up again. I never gave suicide a thought. I never thought about death. I never thought about harming myself over a guy, especially actually doing it. We never felt helpless or lonely, we'd always have our mom there for us. Or our dad. Everyone was our best friend, and there was no one telling us the way we should be. We didn't worry about the latest fashions, who dated who, who was skinnier, what the latest gossip is, who's sleeping with who etc.
I wish I could just go back. I'm so fkn sick of all the hurt and heartbreak. I'm so sick of being crushed, and only living so I can feel those few seconds of happiness being with him. I'm so sick of being in so much pain...and all because of one person.
Getting your hopes up seems to be the biggest mistake. But it's the direction we always seem to go in. At first the path seems so friggin clear, it's too good to be true. But then once you feel your almost there..BAM. Something pushes you out of the way, back to where you started, only this time a clear barrier stopping you from moving any further. And it crushes you, and kills you from the inside out, but you just won't die. No matter how close you feel to death...you just, don't die. It turns out it always was to go too be true. But you still can see that path you're longing for, and the reality is full of pins and needles stabbing at your heart. Sometimes you never get there, but if your lucky, you make it. Wishing, and dreaming for it only gets you so far. People say your wishes & dreams will come true if you try...but things like these can't be changed. You can't try your hardest to be with someone so untouchable, it just doesn't work that way. Soon it becomes something as simple as them recognising you, that makes your heart flutter. That puts that huge smile on your face, and makes you laugh. Then theres a crushing reality of it being taken away. Something maybe as simple as them, actually talking to you, smiling at you, and laughing with you. Those few moments make you feel so alive it's unbelievable. But the perfect things in life always have to come too an end. But it seems like the bad things never do.
What happened to the times when none of this existed in your playground world?
What happened to when one person couldn't do this too you?
I wrote a song sort of like this.
Life was easier when boys had cooties
Which is true.
I remember not having a care in the world, but not I can't even concentrate on my schoolwork because I'm too busy wondering if my first true love will ever love me back.
I wish I was 11.
My life was great back then.
For that full year I was on top of the world...
Steph:DonaNobisPacem, November 29th, 2007 at 12:26:26pm
something just came into thought...
imagine how our parents feel.
AMBOOBneedshelp, November 29th, 2007 at 06:24:48am
I wrote a similar blog about this.
Life sucks. People suck. Reality sucks. But hey..theirs nothing we can do, is their?
For my 14th birthday I wished that I could be 4 again. When I was 10...I was already about aware to reality as I am now. But mst people arn't.
You need to stop dewelling on things you can't control. Boys...they may seem like everything right now, but when you get to mixed up in them you'll find your friends are what matters most. Not kissing someone with cooties. And they all do have cooties. Really they do :)
Don't worry about boys to much right now. Believe me...you have got some tough years with them down the road. You are only 13...I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but honestly you have your whole life to think about boys. Right now you need to be worrying about having fun. You only have a few years left until things really start to matter. Like boys and school.
Don't just spend your whole younger years thinking about the bad things and wishing you were still 3. BEcause you are young. I would give anything just to be 13 again.
THink about how one day you will get married...you might have kids...might have your dream job...and will have your own car...your own house...and so much freedom you don't know what to do with it. THink about the good things or else you'll go insane. Thats all I can tell you...and that's all you can do.
Jessie.Tastic!, November 28th, 2007 at 09:13:35am
I miss those days so much... When all we worried about was the monsters under our beds.. When nothing mattered.... Now look?
And from personal experience,
wishes and dreams never come true -_-
Great blog ♥
Rick Lava, November 28th, 2007 at 08:42:38am
i totally agree with this blog; it's pretty much how i feel too.
american n!mrod, November 28th, 2007 at 07:02:19am
Yeah, I miss those days, too. All of this new stuff seemed to have started so quickly, and I'm still trying to get used to everything. It's been three years since all of that started in my world. I'll probably never completely get used to it, though. I hate all the experiences that I go through, like breaking up with someone and someone breaking up with me, but I'm glad I can learn from all of those thigns in the end.
Andrew Volpe, November 28th, 2007 at 07:01:12am
I agree. I really miss those days of innocence. We rushed past childhood, wanting to be "cool" teenagers like our sibs,now we severely regret it.
MikeIsMine!!!, November 27th, 2007 at 07:55:52pm
I can relate so much after reading this, sometimes life feels like a speeding train and I just want to get off for a second and stand on the platform.
Rachel Sorrows, November 27th, 2007 at 07:05:26pm
I still live in my playground world. :cassie:
Except all my friends used to be guys. :tehe:
When you're a child you tend to see things in black and white. Growing up you realise there's more to life then what directly relates to you. Children only tend to see the good in the world..
vonny, November 27th, 2007 at 04:05:08pm
that was beautiful.
you keep mentioning getting hurt by guys... what about girls? if you dont like one sex, try the other. and if that doesnt work, try people who are transgender. there are always other options
<3
AMBOOBneedshelp, November 27th, 2007 at 01:49:01pm
As we get older, we change and discover new things.
We find many new interests and mature a lot more.
Sometimes the change isn't what you want it to be,
Sometimes it is. You can't exactly control your feelings.
I hate society, I wanna live back in the 80's or something.
And I miss those days too. -HUG-
Green Day., November 27th, 2007 at 01:32:54pm
I don't know what happened, but it did.
Those days were good, but as we grow older the world seems to weigh more on our shoulders and the next thing you know it's every man, woman and child for them self. In the end.. (if there is an end)..something turns out a certain way. I just hope at least part of it turns out right.
threeam., November 27th, 2007 at 01:26:11pm