McFly
Well I guess this has been a long time coming.
I don't know how to write this without filling it with cheesy clichés and stupid ramblings, but maybe if that's the only way forward then that's the way it was meant to be.
___________
Those 4 fools are my heroes. They didn't save my life, but they helped to save me from myself. They gave me that last thread of sanity when I felt the world kicking me in the metaphorical goolies, and now they're central to my learning how to live. I may be 18, but it's only now I'm learning how wonderful life really is, and how many smiles you can get into 24 hours.
The first time I ever heard Five Colours In Her Hair was on CD:UK in late 2003 (I think), when Busted were on promoting something or other, and James introduced a new band they were helping to plug, and I remember thinking they were quite cute in a I'm-crapping-myself-nervous kind of way. And I remember loving the brunette one's voice, and dancing round the living room with my older brother tutting and shaking his head - I take it that it was about my choice of music, not my lack of rhythm, but that could be debatable.
I liked them and hummed along when they were on TV, but the moment I fell in love with them was when they did Hypnotised on CD:UK. I was alone in my dad's old flat on a Saturday morning watching telly in my jimjams (what an image, guys), and I just remember lighting up and smiling a big beamer. The next day I bought Room On The Third Floor and the rest, they say, is history.
But I'm boring so don't think you're getting off now.
The first McFly single I ever bought was All About You in 2005, and then Wonderland, the second album, came out the day before my 16th birthday, so my older brother, begrudgingly, got roped into buying it the day it came out and giving it to me on my birthday. That was the only thing I was excited about to be honest. We were having lunch with my friends but I was so desperate to hear the second album.
The first time I ever got to see McFly live was on the 2nd of October 2005 at Wembley. I were so exci'ed I were droppin' me le'ers and talkin' all saaaaf Larrndun - unfortunately it happens when I get hyped. I skipped into the arena, aged 16 mind, and bounced around like a loon waiting for them. Our seats were rubbish tbh, but it was still amazing.
Late 2005 and through 2006 weren't so great for me though. I developed my "thing" with college, meaning I fell behind, cried a lot when I was there and averaged about 3 days a week in classes. I stopped going in February 2006 with the promise of a place for me in the next lower 6th so I could address my other "issues". I remember crying a lot on the train to college and wishing I was at home not on my way to another day in hell, but I'd always listen to No Worries and it'd just make everything so much better. Like magic really.
I'm crying now just thinking of how it used to make me feel. I'd close my eyes and the world would fade away and I'd think of nothing but my song until I had to turn my mp3 player off.
September 2006 and we were off to the Motion In The Ocean Tour. We had tickets for both the Wembley nights and the 22nd was the best night ever, until that point at least. I felt so good. It was amazing watching them play again, and the atmosphere 12,000 people doing the YMCA creates is pretty cool.
The 23rd though was when I really hit rock bottom the first time. We were meant to meet Kirsty at the train station at 5ish, but it got to 5:30 and I wouldn't move. I felt paralysed by a fear of something I couldn't define, and my mum screamed and shouted and told me I was being selfish, and hell, I knew I was, but it felt like if I went to the arena that night well I don't even know what would happen. I remember saying to Clair once I'd rather someone cut me open while I was breathing to do medical science demonstrations on me than make me go to college, and that night it felt exactly the same about going to Wembley arena. My friends didn't really know what was going on, but I felt too ashamed to say anyway.
We did go eventually. My mum's then-boyfriend drove us to Middlesex, but I cried all the way there. The show was good, but it was tainted.
About 6 weeks after that, I went completely loopy and ran up and down the street looking for a car to step under, and that week I was admitted to hospital.
We all had our own rooms, and we were allowed posters, so I packed up a few of my small ones, my (McFly) calender, framed photo of them - a gift! - and my Motion In The Ocean tour poster and Mum helped me put them up the first night I was there. It was still a horrible time obviously, but I still only had to put No Worries on and the world would melt away until it was just me in my room, teddy bear on my pillow and cross word on the bed. I could forget where the room was until it was just a place in itself.
The third album, Motion In The Ocean, came out a few days after I'd gone in I think, and I remember Mum took me into HMV in my McFly hoodie (I am a queen of subtlety) to buy it, and bouncing out to the car smiling so wide. We had to make a PowerPoint presentation in school on something we liked too, so - of course - I chose my boys. It made me so happy to know I had about 90 minutes a week where I could talk and write about them as much as I wanted. Because I really am that cool.
I was discharged fully in March 2007, and being home was great, but things were still far from good. I was still very, very nervous and panicky in places full of people, and still felt really low a lot. But at least I was home. Now back to McFly.
The Up Close And Personal Tour was going on in spring 2007, and for the first leg of dates I'd said I wasn't going to go - I didn't know if I'd be able to handle a concert after the last one - but when my friend Kirsty texted me the weekend I was discharged saying she'd just bought 2 tickets to McFly in Brighton and would I like to go? I screamed and ran round the house ecstatic and replied that of course I'd love to.
Brighton was amazing. I love that city anyway, and seeing my boys there just made it more special. But I did feel very self-conscious every time the lights went up - I was having unaccidents about 3 times a week at that point and my arms were more scab and scar than skin - but when the lights were on the stage I went nuts, just how it should be.
A week later, me and Kirsty went back to Brighton to see Danny and Harry at HMV for a single signing. I'd always been too shy to attempt it before, but I wanted to at least try, so off we went at 6am or whatever it was, in the rain, to sit on stone floor for hours for a wrist band. That bit was fine. But when it got to our turn to see them, I panicked and felt like a complete idiot. I cut my wrist band straight off and cried myself to sleep that night. I wouldn't turn the lights on in my room because of my posters, and wouldn't wear my t-shirt for ages. It took me a long, long time to realise that actually I was no more a goon than anyone else there that day, and that it was my self-esteem monster that was whispering in my ear that day.
And now? Now he's slowly being killed off, bit by bit.
The next time I got to see my boys was in my (frankly amazingly spectacular) hometown of Croydon. I was so nervous when we booked the tickets, I was hanging on my laptop like a loony, refreshing the box office every second, but when it did work, we got 2nd row tickets and I felt amazing.
Now that night, that night was incredible. For the first time ever I was stood a few metres from them and I didn't feel like they thought I was ugly or stupid. Danny and Harry smiled at us even. It was just perfect.
A week ago me and Kirsty went to Birmingham to see them at the NEC and last night we stood for a couple of hours in the rain to get a good spot in the standing area at Wembley arena, and it was perfect. I'd never stood at a concert before - I mean I'd got up off my seat obviously, but I'd always had one behind me. This time I didn't, and I got a bit panicky and anxious (as a result, I now have no nails but that's a small price). By the time McFly got on, I didn't feel anxious any more at all. And, as always, they were amazing.
There can't be a McFly blog by Jo without a section about Danny, but I'm not sure quite where to start with him. He's not my idol - I'd rather not be quite as intellectually challenged as that mite thanks - but he's been the centre of the best bits. He's got the most beautiful voice ever, I think anyway, and I love to hear him sing. And having him smile at us in Croydon pretty much made my life. It's his part in No Worries that got me through my days. And for that, if nothing else, I owe him at least a pint of Stella and a porn mag to say thanks.
Also, there can't be a McFly blog by Jo without a mention of the McMelons - so there it is mwuhahahaha. No expansion needed, you're all amazing.
So that's it - the last few years of my life encapsulated into this blog.
Mum keeps asking me when they're touring again, and no dates have been released yet, but I know when they are I'll be hanging on that telephone at 10am Saturday morning. Because each time I see them I remember why I love them so much and why they're my favourite band.
And why they're my heroes.
And why life's always better if you work your arse off for every smile. Because that smile makes the sun shine and makes tomorrow a brighter day - hey hey hey!
...see what I did there lads?
Anyway, enough of my blahing, if you read all that you're a doll.
x
I don't know how to write this without filling it with cheesy clichés and stupid ramblings, but maybe if that's the only way forward then that's the way it was meant to be.
___________
Those 4 fools are my heroes. They didn't save my life, but they helped to save me from myself. They gave me that last thread of sanity when I felt the world kicking me in the metaphorical goolies, and now they're central to my learning how to live. I may be 18, but it's only now I'm learning how wonderful life really is, and how many smiles you can get into 24 hours.
The first time I ever heard Five Colours In Her Hair was on CD:UK in late 2003 (I think), when Busted were on promoting something or other, and James introduced a new band they were helping to plug, and I remember thinking they were quite cute in a I'm-crapping-myself-nervous kind of way. And I remember loving the brunette one's voice, and dancing round the living room with my older brother tutting and shaking his head - I take it that it was about my choice of music, not my lack of rhythm, but that could be debatable.
I liked them and hummed along when they were on TV, but the moment I fell in love with them was when they did Hypnotised on CD:UK. I was alone in my dad's old flat on a Saturday morning watching telly in my jimjams (what an image, guys), and I just remember lighting up and smiling a big beamer. The next day I bought Room On The Third Floor and the rest, they say, is history.
But I'm boring so don't think you're getting off now.
The first McFly single I ever bought was All About You in 2005, and then Wonderland, the second album, came out the day before my 16th birthday, so my older brother, begrudgingly, got roped into buying it the day it came out and giving it to me on my birthday. That was the only thing I was excited about to be honest. We were having lunch with my friends but I was so desperate to hear the second album.
The first time I ever got to see McFly live was on the 2nd of October 2005 at Wembley. I were so exci'ed I were droppin' me le'ers and talkin' all saaaaf Larrndun - unfortunately it happens when I get hyped. I skipped into the arena, aged 16 mind, and bounced around like a loon waiting for them. Our seats were rubbish tbh, but it was still amazing.
Late 2005 and through 2006 weren't so great for me though. I developed my "thing" with college, meaning I fell behind, cried a lot when I was there and averaged about 3 days a week in classes. I stopped going in February 2006 with the promise of a place for me in the next lower 6th so I could address my other "issues". I remember crying a lot on the train to college and wishing I was at home not on my way to another day in hell, but I'd always listen to No Worries and it'd just make everything so much better. Like magic really.
I'm crying now just thinking of how it used to make me feel. I'd close my eyes and the world would fade away and I'd think of nothing but my song until I had to turn my mp3 player off.
September 2006 and we were off to the Motion In The Ocean Tour. We had tickets for both the Wembley nights and the 22nd was the best night ever, until that point at least. I felt so good. It was amazing watching them play again, and the atmosphere 12,000 people doing the YMCA creates is pretty cool.
The 23rd though was when I really hit rock bottom the first time. We were meant to meet Kirsty at the train station at 5ish, but it got to 5:30 and I wouldn't move. I felt paralysed by a fear of something I couldn't define, and my mum screamed and shouted and told me I was being selfish, and hell, I knew I was, but it felt like if I went to the arena that night well I don't even know what would happen. I remember saying to Clair once I'd rather someone cut me open while I was breathing to do medical science demonstrations on me than make me go to college, and that night it felt exactly the same about going to Wembley arena. My friends didn't really know what was going on, but I felt too ashamed to say anyway.
We did go eventually. My mum's then-boyfriend drove us to Middlesex, but I cried all the way there. The show was good, but it was tainted.
About 6 weeks after that, I went completely loopy and ran up and down the street looking for a car to step under, and that week I was admitted to hospital.
We all had our own rooms, and we were allowed posters, so I packed up a few of my small ones, my (McFly) calender, framed photo of them - a gift! - and my Motion In The Ocean tour poster and Mum helped me put them up the first night I was there. It was still a horrible time obviously, but I still only had to put No Worries on and the world would melt away until it was just me in my room, teddy bear on my pillow and cross word on the bed. I could forget where the room was until it was just a place in itself.
The third album, Motion In The Ocean, came out a few days after I'd gone in I think, and I remember Mum took me into HMV in my McFly hoodie (I am a queen of subtlety) to buy it, and bouncing out to the car smiling so wide. We had to make a PowerPoint presentation in school on something we liked too, so - of course - I chose my boys. It made me so happy to know I had about 90 minutes a week where I could talk and write about them as much as I wanted. Because I really am that cool.
I was discharged fully in March 2007, and being home was great, but things were still far from good. I was still very, very nervous and panicky in places full of people, and still felt really low a lot. But at least I was home. Now back to McFly.
The Up Close And Personal Tour was going on in spring 2007, and for the first leg of dates I'd said I wasn't going to go - I didn't know if I'd be able to handle a concert after the last one - but when my friend Kirsty texted me the weekend I was discharged saying she'd just bought 2 tickets to McFly in Brighton and would I like to go? I screamed and ran round the house ecstatic and replied that of course I'd love to.
Brighton was amazing. I love that city anyway, and seeing my boys there just made it more special. But I did feel very self-conscious every time the lights went up - I was having unaccidents about 3 times a week at that point and my arms were more scab and scar than skin - but when the lights were on the stage I went nuts, just how it should be.
A week later, me and Kirsty went back to Brighton to see Danny and Harry at HMV for a single signing. I'd always been too shy to attempt it before, but I wanted to at least try, so off we went at 6am or whatever it was, in the rain, to sit on stone floor for hours for a wrist band. That bit was fine. But when it got to our turn to see them, I panicked and felt like a complete idiot. I cut my wrist band straight off and cried myself to sleep that night. I wouldn't turn the lights on in my room because of my posters, and wouldn't wear my t-shirt for ages. It took me a long, long time to realise that actually I was no more a goon than anyone else there that day, and that it was my self-esteem monster that was whispering in my ear that day.
And now? Now he's slowly being killed off, bit by bit.
The next time I got to see my boys was in my (frankly amazingly spectacular) hometown of Croydon. I was so nervous when we booked the tickets, I was hanging on my laptop like a loony, refreshing the box office every second, but when it did work, we got 2nd row tickets and I felt amazing.
Now that night, that night was incredible. For the first time ever I was stood a few metres from them and I didn't feel like they thought I was ugly or stupid. Danny and Harry smiled at us even. It was just perfect.
A week ago me and Kirsty went to Birmingham to see them at the NEC and last night we stood for a couple of hours in the rain to get a good spot in the standing area at Wembley arena, and it was perfect. I'd never stood at a concert before - I mean I'd got up off my seat obviously, but I'd always had one behind me. This time I didn't, and I got a bit panicky and anxious (as a result, I now have no nails but that's a small price). By the time McFly got on, I didn't feel anxious any more at all. And, as always, they were amazing.
There can't be a McFly blog by Jo without a section about Danny, but I'm not sure quite where to start with him. He's not my idol - I'd rather not be quite as intellectually challenged as that mite thanks - but he's been the centre of the best bits. He's got the most beautiful voice ever, I think anyway, and I love to hear him sing. And having him smile at us in Croydon pretty much made my life. It's his part in No Worries that got me through my days. And for that, if nothing else, I owe him at least a pint of Stella and a porn mag to say thanks.
Also, there can't be a McFly blog by Jo without a mention of the McMelons - so there it is mwuhahahaha. No expansion needed, you're all amazing.
So that's it - the last few years of my life encapsulated into this blog.
Mum keeps asking me when they're touring again, and no dates have been released yet, but I know when they are I'll be hanging on that telephone at 10am Saturday morning. Because each time I see them I remember why I love them so much and why they're my favourite band.
And why they're my heroes.
And why life's always better if you work your arse off for every smile. Because that smile makes the sun shine and makes tomorrow a brighter day - hey hey hey!
...see what I did there lads?
Anyway, enough of my blahing, if you read all that you're a doll.
x
I read that entire thing; and that was absoultely amazing.
I think your story is amazing.
I love those boys so much; youre so lucky to have seen them live + met them;
but sounds like it wasn't all that easy.
But that was just..pwooooah.
You sound wicked (:
mrs_tre_cool_, December 12th, 2007 at 01:40:03pm
you're actually the most amazing person ever
Loser Kid, December 9th, 2007 at 03:54:09am
Oh lordddddddddd.
I love you so much, seriously. The world wouldn't spin without you.
x
tomamazon, December 9th, 2007 at 12:05:16am
Amazing blog by a amazing person!
It's so good to see someone who has such a feeling for a band that they can get them through everything, it takes a strong person not to give up and that is what you are.
x
Sarah!, December 8th, 2007 at 05:54:24pm
amazing blog.
I love McFly, I'd love the chance too see them live.
unfortunatly, I dont think they'll be coming to Canada anytime soonxD
I'm glad they've gotten you through tons
<33
Bubble Wrap., December 8th, 2007 at 09:38:40am