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Teletubbies

Okay, I really don't want people to yell at me for making this blog, but it's something that seriously puzzles me ... kind of.

On Friday, my friend Grace and I (on here her username is something like Vampire Pimpitute) went to one of the function rooms at a theme park we live by with some other girls in our choir and our music teacher to sing for this church gathering. Afterwards, we were all sat around drinking really strong cordial orange juice and eating weird short bread biscuits with smiley faces on them that said 100% butter.

There was a picture on this projector screen of the Blackpool illuminations with three alien like cartoon lights on them. This started the conversation of teletubbies. We had a serious talk about the craziness of the whole show, and came up with some questions about it.


1. How can you tell if a Teletubby is a boy or a girl?

Seriously, there is no way to determine if we're talking femmetub or masctub. I had always been under the impression Po was a boy, but apparently she's a girl. What's up with that? And Tinky Winky is a boy but he has a red handbag? I don't have a problem with cross dressers or anything, but he is also found dancing in Laa Laa's tutu from time to time. Surely they'd give him more masculine objects and hobbies if he's the only boy? Or is Dipsy a boy too? I just don't know!


2. Where do they get food from?

Let's think about this.

In Teletubby land there are only:

- Four Teletubbies
- One living hoover (Noo-Noo)
- A shit load of rabbits.
- Flowers that talk
- A laughing baby trapped in a sun.

Where, oh where, do they get their crazy putty-like pink tubby custard and tubby toast? And how the hell do they live off that stuff? Haven't they heard of water? And how do they eat toast? They don't even have teeth!


3. How old are the teletubbies?

Themselves, I mean, not the show. Because, er, HELLO - they all play about a million instruments each! Either they're just crazy natural musicians, or they've had some seriously long years of practice. Let's see...

Tinky Winky plays the saxophone, flute, bassoon, clarinet, piccolo, oboe, recorder, English horn, and contrabassoon.

Laa Laa plays the xylophone, triangle, bass drum, snare drum, cymbals, timpani, castanets, maracas, tambourine, and glockenspiel.

Dipsy plays the trumpet, French horn, trombone, tuba, cornet, sousaphone, and euphonium.

Po plays the harp, violin, viola, cello, double bass, guitar, banjo, and mandolin.


THAT RED THING CAN PALY A HARP? WHAT THE FUDGE?!

So. They can all play a ton of instruments, yet they talk like burbling idiots? I don't know, schools these days...


4. Tubbytronic Superdome

That's right. The Tubster household. How did they buy this thing? Did another crazy fuzzy teletubby come along and be all like,

"akjdgndalgakg adogua aodughaldga?"

(translation: do you wanna buy this house? I r an estate agent lollll)

and then Laa Laa was like

"djlg dglhdagao alnfafna fgnaldkga anln!"

(translation: hell yes we do! here, have this fudging cheque!)

Is that how it happened? IS THAT IT?!

They have the minds of three year olds! How did they buy this house that looks like something people in the 60's would have said the houses in the Millenium looks like?



I'm telling you guys, it's weird! Despite the fact that this show made up most of my childhood, now I see it for what it truly is - TOTALLYCRACKEDUPCRAZYOMG!


And just for the record, most of this is a joke. Okay, the questions are real - seriously, did the producers of this show even CONSIDER these things? - but for the most part, it's just for a laugh :]

This blog will probably be stoned and have rotten fruit thrown at it for being stupid, but I felt like writing and this is what I wrote.

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Posted on May 18th, 2008 at 09:11pm

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