To Rise We Must Fall.

We are the fallen, so to speak. Trampled and walked upon, kissing at everyones feet. Becoming afflicted by the glory of others' greed and now we sing of the forgiveness that we bleed. We all have our hard ships. We all have those rough patches in our lives. Some last longer than others, some are more painful than others, but we deffinatly should not be comparing pain. It's not the right thing to do. Everyone is hurting, everyone. You can't find ONE person in this world, that doesn't have something going on in their lives that hurts them in one way or another. No matter how much money one has, it cannot buy happiness. It's not just the "depressed" looking people that are in pain.

We all go through a time in life where we decide we may not want to live anymore. That there is nothing to live for, that we'd be better off dead. Where we feel numb and hated, and that there is no hope left. We've all been there; you aren't alone.

I for one, have had countless occasions with this feeling. I've hit rock bottom possibly more than once. As you might know, I've delt with some serious self harm in the past, borderline anorexia, attempt at bulimia, thoughts of suicide, a seriously failed attempt at taking my own life, shitty divorce, put downs by family and people at school, extreme low self esteem, money problems, insomnia, loving someone who I can't be with and more; the whole nine yards. It may not sound like a lot, but once you have all that weight and more on your shoulders, it sure as hell feels like tons. You may know this feeling. You may be extremely familiar with it, and it really isn't the funnest thing to experience.

I've experienced and been through things people should not have to go through, but I'm still here. I really hate telling people my "life story" because I feel so ashamed about being depressed, when so many people have it so much worse.

Through everything, I've noticed it has made me stronger. Like the old saying goes "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." That is incredibly true. I'm starting to be able to look on the bright side of life, and when I'm down, I can always find a way to cheer me up even a tiny bit. Sure I'll still have those days where I feel like dying, but they aren't nearly as frequent as before. I listen to music to help me through the rough times, as do many people. I've found a band that for me, gives me so much hope in this broken world, and so much happiness that I never knew was possible. This band is Fall Out Boy. For you it may be a completely different thing, but just find what makes you happy and helps you most, and use it. A couple people you could give a shot to listen to is Motion City Soundtrack or Prince. Happy music is always a good thing to listen to when you're upset. Although sad music I find helps tons as well as wierd as it may be.

Do you cry a lot? That's not a bad thing really. It's better to cry your eyes out, as shitty as it may feel half of the time, but it's letting things out. It's not keeping your emotions bottled inside. It feels good to have a good cry.

Talk to someone. Not talking to someone about something is quite possibly one of the worst things you can do. It leaves everything to build up, and one day you'll just explode. It's no fun.

You may be thinking, "what does she know? She's no professional." But I can tell you right now, that I've constantly had people tell me I'm gifted with being able to talk to people. I've been told I'm the most helpful person on GSB, and I recently found out I have saved a young, amazing girls' life. It's a wierd feeling really. I'm not bragging at all, but I'm just saying that I quite possibly could know what I'm talking about. Everyday I talk to someone, and it helps them. I'm always here, no matter what.

Right now you may feel no reason to live any more, that you've been at rock bottom for too long, but with every time you fall, pick yourself up. "Short time pain for long term gain." That's so true. Still you wanna push me push me away. So what is your answer, your best verbal cancer for me. You've changed all my enemies. It's not something new to me now, there is no one to fight, nobody left to take my anger out on tonight.

Try your hardest to look on the bright side of life. Hell, even make a list of things you're thankful for. You might think you aren't thankful for anything, but look around you at the tiny things that you take for granted every day. You're on a computer aren't you? You can breathe without life support, you have two working arms and legs, you can see, you can hear, you have the ability to learn, you aren't handicapped, you feel emotions and physical pain, and there's so much more. I'm not saying feel guilty, but take a second to realise how lucky you really are.

Don't dwell on the shitty times now, look forward to a brighter future. Don't tell yourself that there's no hope, that things will never get better, that you'll be alone your whole life; or you'll start to believe it. You will start looking for excuses for things to stay shitty, and you'll make it happen whether you realise it or not. To be honest, as of now it's a big thing that I'm writing this blog. Today is the one year "anniversary" of the worst day of my life. I've smiled today, and I've cried. Sure crying can suck, and feeling heavy sucks, but I've still found a way to make myself laugh.

Every single morning I wake up in a shitty mood where I can break down and cry. I usually end up making a change, and I'm able to smile in the day. Look for your friends, they'll usually be there to make you smile when your down if you let them.

You still want to die? Think to yourself as you think about killing yourself. If you really didn't want to live anymore, you'd be dead already. You would know and wouldn't have to think about it. Also, like I said, look to the brighter future. Don't you want to know what you'll look like and be like when you're older? What your kids will look like? Who your marriage partner will be? What job you'll have? Whose lives you'll have changed? We all have dreams of our own, so why not make them happen? You may be a "mess" now, but there's always room for change. Half of your life isn't even close to being over, so why throw it away now? Live for a brighter tomorrow.

I really don't know what else to say, so I'll bring it to a close. Look at the sky and find the beauty amongst all the shit on this planet. Life is much more beautiful than we humans realize, and we're screwing it up. Live as if today is your last day on earth. Look forward to a bright future, and stay strong like you have been. I'm always here to talk to anyone at any given time about anything. Hang in there, live your dreams, never give up no matter what. Come on, come all, and raise your hands. To rise we must fall.lyrics: Rise of the Fallen by A Fall To Rise.