i am... scared.
schools are gonna start soon (in here at least). i'm finally going into school after wasting two years trying to figure out what do i wanna do. well, that's fine... i'm still not sure about the one i chose. i had two options and i picked the easy one, not the one i really wanted. well... that's just fine too. that's how i am. a loser and a quitter.
but anyways... what i'm really scared of is... people.
i've been there before, i know how it goes. it goes like this:
there are -normal- people, then there's... me. i'm gonna be stupid, again. i'm gonna be the one that has no friends. i'm gonna be the outcast again. i'm gonna be different than everybody else.
this has happened before. it will happen again.
i've had no friends... uh, like in three years. the ones i had are long gone. that's just fine too. cause i wouldn't wanna be with them anymore anyways. there's one who i'm in contact with occasionally, but i realized some time ago that i really don't give a fuck what does she have to say. and i don't know if she gives a fuck about me either.
if you ever look at yourself and think "oh god, i'm a pathetic loser." then please take a look at me first and maybe you'll change your mind. cause i'm the one with no friends. i have... no one, in the whole world.
i have no one.
i'm always gonna be the one who doesn't belong in anywhere and that's really exhausting. i'm sure a lot of you has no idea, but i can't breath around normal people.
i'm terrified that i'm gonna screw up everything all over again. it happens everytime i meet new people. maybe this time i'll just shut up. i'm not gonna say anything to anyone unless i have to. cause if i say something it's gonna be something stupid and people will see that i'm a weirdo and i'm gonna be left alone all over again. it's a well known fact that everytime i open my mounth something dumb comes out.
but i guess that doesn't matter either if all of those people are normal i don't even wanna be friends with them. normal people are... BORING. it's pointless to try to be with them, cause i can't be myself around those people.
also what makes it difficult is this... finnish people like to drink. A LOT. a big part of their lives involve around that.
and well... i don't drink. drunken people make me awkward. i don't go to parties, i don'r drink... so, i must be really uptight!!
reject
outcast
freak
weirdo
loser
loser
loser
i hate myself today.
tomorrow.
always.
thank you for listening my selfpity whining. please don't post mean comments.
but anyways... what i'm really scared of is... people.
i've been there before, i know how it goes. it goes like this:
there are -normal- people, then there's... me. i'm gonna be stupid, again. i'm gonna be the one that has no friends. i'm gonna be the outcast again. i'm gonna be different than everybody else.
this has happened before. it will happen again.
i've had no friends... uh, like in three years. the ones i had are long gone. that's just fine too. cause i wouldn't wanna be with them anymore anyways. there's one who i'm in contact with occasionally, but i realized some time ago that i really don't give a fuck what does she have to say. and i don't know if she gives a fuck about me either.
if you ever look at yourself and think "oh god, i'm a pathetic loser." then please take a look at me first and maybe you'll change your mind. cause i'm the one with no friends. i have... no one, in the whole world.
i have no one.
i'm always gonna be the one who doesn't belong in anywhere and that's really exhausting. i'm sure a lot of you has no idea, but i can't breath around normal people.
i'm terrified that i'm gonna screw up everything all over again. it happens everytime i meet new people. maybe this time i'll just shut up. i'm not gonna say anything to anyone unless i have to. cause if i say something it's gonna be something stupid and people will see that i'm a weirdo and i'm gonna be left alone all over again. it's a well known fact that everytime i open my mounth something dumb comes out.
but i guess that doesn't matter either if all of those people are normal i don't even wanna be friends with them. normal people are... BORING. it's pointless to try to be with them, cause i can't be myself around those people.
also what makes it difficult is this... finnish people like to drink. A LOT. a big part of their lives involve around that.
and well... i don't drink. drunken people make me awkward. i don't go to parties, i don'r drink... so, i must be really uptight!!
reject
outcast
freak
weirdo
loser
loser
loser
i hate myself today.
tomorrow.
always.
thank you for listening my selfpity whining. please don't post mean comments.
it's exactly how I feel about myself. hence why I can relate to Matt's lyrics so much, Miss N; "You'd better practise your evil looks in the mirror, they don't work on me"
I had the same thing during and after I was diagnosed with JIA, kids version of athritis. You find out who your real friends are..
drop me a comment or PM if you ever need any support on this or anything else, yeah?
even if I am a wee bit late replying >.<
.x.
oh & I whole heartedly agree with everything Flan said.
I love her randomness & how her comments are mega-longz ^.^
Trusty Chords., July 10th, 2008 at 12:36:41am
you're not a loser, you are without a doubt the bluntest person
i've ever known of. that's cool. but you can't let your fears hold
back. you'll meet new people who'll have things in common
with you, and if you don't come to america!! we have tons
of people who're interested in the things you are!! if and when
you do, meet me! xD but yeah, just put yourself out there, and
just be yourself. don't change for anyone, only you.
get famous, July 7th, 2008 at 11:30:59pm
thanks guys.
it's not like i've been bullied in years or anything but i just feel like people are looking down on me. they don't have to say anything i can see it in their eyes. they're saying "you can't. you can't do anything, you goddamn loser." i dunno if it's just in my head, but most of the time probably not.
like even when i had friends they were always laughing at me and telling me "you can't. you can't. you can't" until i realized: I CAN'T. really makes me feel like i'm not worth of anything.
people i meet on the internet are really nice to me though. you guys don't judge me or look down on me. i feel like on the internet i can be how i really wanna be. that's reallyyyyy coooooooool x]
and seriously, Flan, you can post comments as long you want in my blogs and profile cause you're awesome XD
Baby Bondage, July 7th, 2008 at 08:53:04pm
i'm absolutely terrified for school to start back up, especially because of all the people that go to my school. i've gotten so many hate comments from kids i go to school with, telling me, and reminding me how big of a loser, and waste of life i am.
i know exactly how you feel.
pseudo superhero, July 7th, 2008 at 06:33:20pm
:(.
I think you should be yourself. If they don't like you for that, then they're not friends... Oh and about the thing where everytime you say something, something stupid flies out--I do that too hahaha. Well, it happens eespecially if I'm trying too hard. Like, trying to say something just to say something. Now I just shut up and say stuff that comes naturally to me or say stuff when I should say stuff.
And who cares if you don't drink? I think it's better if you don't drink. I wouldn't start drinking just to try to fit in with them. I mean, like, when I was in school and stuff, I never gave in to whatever they were in to, and, well, I survived. And it was totally worth it.
Oh, and you're not alone hehe. I've got no friends either. And I was always the quiet kid in class, too. And it's fine to be that way, but if anyone ever starts to pick on you or be mean, just let them know that you're not going to let them push you around. They get really confused if you act calmly about how they're treating you, and then they stop if you show that you can fight back with them if they want a fight hehe.
you're not a weirdo, loser, freak, or any of that =]. I think you're cool l0lo. Some people should look at themselves first before they start labeling people.
sfdkljs i cant keep typing right noww cauze som1 walkd in teh room arggg l00l. besidz, i think i made my post too long AGAIN
Flan, July 7th, 2008 at 04:57:50pm