Teenage Kicks

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep, but I know I can't sleep here. They'll wonder. They'll ask questions. I don't want to push my pathetic made up problems on to them. They're so amazing. But then again they're not. I was there when she cried. I held her and dried away her tears and told her everything was gonna be alright. I helped her. I was being a friend. I'm not a bad friend. So why isn't she here? Why isn't she picking me up off the ground and helping me inside? Why am I all alone on this porch in a strange house?
The world starts to spin. I can't see. My hands grip for something to hold on to, but I can't find anything, and I fall. I wonder if it was loud. Did they hear? Are they coming to save me?
The porch floor is cold and stings against my arms and stomach.
Please, come save me. I'm so scared!
I try to stand up, but the liquor runs too heavy in my veins. What lifted me up and made me feel warm and happy just a few hours ago, is now cold and harsh in my heart. Pressing me against the floor.
I can't breath! Save me!
From somewhere deep inside my soul I find the anger and strength to get up. I'm standing on the edge of the porch. The curtain's are all pulled in front of the windows. They won't see a thing. I look down at what I'm hoping is the end. It's not high enough...
I want to scream, but my voice is lost somewhere in my chest. I feel the cry coming. I feel it burning in my eyes. I feel it tear me apart and break me down. I have a tight grip on the fence as I slide down the side of it. Slowly. So I won't wake them up by falling again. I'm shaking. Every mussel of my being is shaking like a leaf blowing in October. A leaf that will soon fall and lay on the ground in it's bright yellow and red costume, and no one will take further notice of it.
I hear a distant sob. I think it's my own, but I can't feel the tears burn my cheeks. I'm so scared. There's a panic in me that I've never felt before. If they could just come out and help me. They don't need to talk to me. They don't need to care. Just help inside. There's black dots before my eyes. My skin stings and burns as if I'm being poked with knives or needles. I just want to escape. I'm so scared. I can't breath.
Help me...
After what could've been a few minutes but it could also have been a few hours, I find more strength and I open the door. Still more cry in my heart. Still more tears burning down my cheeks. I'm trying to control the sobbing but it's hard. I stumble inside where I find a couch. I try to lay down on it, but it won't sit still. I fall again. On the floor. I manage to drag myself up in a seated position on the floor. Sobbing like a child, when suddenly I hear a voice in the dark.
"Are you okay?" it says. I snap. Laugh a little. At least attempt to laugh a little. All that comes out is a horse squeak.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just fell. Go back to sleep." I laugh. A little more convincing this time. Whoever the voice is coming from, is satisfied with my answer. I grab the nearest bottle. I think it says Absolute Vodka, but I'm not sure. I put it to my lips, not caring who it belongs to, not caring what's in it. I know there's a sweet burn down my throat, but I can't feel it.
Lies... That's all that's left of me.



I'm not all that sure about the title. If you have a better idea, please suggest so.