It's All Come Up To This
As some of my friends here know, My brother and sister spent the week here. And it was by far the worst week of my entire life. It beat pretty much any bad thing that's ever happened to me. It's really beside the point, but at the same time, it's part of the point I'm trying to make.
As everyone knows, I have "girl problems". I've been doing that whole long distance thing. And I've tried a tiny bit with girls around the area. I've tried hard with everyone I've liked. And, it was for a second reason, a big reason. That was to not fail at life, and be a failure in this family. I wanted to do something nobody in this family has managed to do, which is to find someone nice to be with. My one uncle hasn't even had a girlfriend, and he's in his mid 30's. My other uncle has a girlfriend, but she's a nutcase. My aunt has two kids, but doesn't want to be with anyone. Then my other aunt, aka my birth mother, has three kids, and has really struggled to find a nice guy. I wanted to prove that I could do something better. That I could really find someone. And lately, I've thought I'm not doing a good job. I need to stop the long distance, I'm not saying anything is wrong with that, but I'm failing if I do that, that's what I feel anyways. Over this past week, I feel that I've found out I'm not gonna ever be happy with a girl, I'll never have a nice family to call mine. My brother is younger than me, and we look so alike, but somehow, he's a ton more attractive than me. And he's already got a girlfriend. Then my sister, the first thing I hear here say. "kevin's my favorite brother." For some reason, after all that, I thought.. "maybe I'll never have anyone favor me, or anyone love me, or anyone care about me" I know what you're all gonna say. But, I've figured I've made my choice already. I've always been trying to get myself someone, try to make myself feel great about myself. But then I'm thinking, maybe I don't need that. Maybe I'm really just better off on my own. Which is why I've made the choice of staying alone for the rest of my life. I'm done trying to find someone worth it. I figure I won't have anyone, but maybe someday a girl will notice me, and actually like me. If that were to happen, then I'd definately consider going for it. But untill I know I can trust this person, I'm going to be alone.
I feel mature, but immature at the same time. I feel immature making a blog, and whining about stupid girls, no offense to you girls out there, since this place is owned by girls pretty much. But, I also feel mature, because I'm finally giving up on trying. I'm gonna let it go, and not worry about a girl stepping all over me. If you actually read this, then I guess I have to thank you. Everyone has to hear me whine about this kind of stuff, but now.. it's all over.
As everyone knows, I have "girl problems". I've been doing that whole long distance thing. And I've tried a tiny bit with girls around the area. I've tried hard with everyone I've liked. And, it was for a second reason, a big reason. That was to not fail at life, and be a failure in this family. I wanted to do something nobody in this family has managed to do, which is to find someone nice to be with. My one uncle hasn't even had a girlfriend, and he's in his mid 30's. My other uncle has a girlfriend, but she's a nutcase. My aunt has two kids, but doesn't want to be with anyone. Then my other aunt, aka my birth mother, has three kids, and has really struggled to find a nice guy. I wanted to prove that I could do something better. That I could really find someone. And lately, I've thought I'm not doing a good job. I need to stop the long distance, I'm not saying anything is wrong with that, but I'm failing if I do that, that's what I feel anyways. Over this past week, I feel that I've found out I'm not gonna ever be happy with a girl, I'll never have a nice family to call mine. My brother is younger than me, and we look so alike, but somehow, he's a ton more attractive than me. And he's already got a girlfriend. Then my sister, the first thing I hear here say. "kevin's my favorite brother." For some reason, after all that, I thought.. "maybe I'll never have anyone favor me, or anyone love me, or anyone care about me" I know what you're all gonna say. But, I've figured I've made my choice already. I've always been trying to get myself someone, try to make myself feel great about myself. But then I'm thinking, maybe I don't need that. Maybe I'm really just better off on my own. Which is why I've made the choice of staying alone for the rest of my life. I'm done trying to find someone worth it. I figure I won't have anyone, but maybe someday a girl will notice me, and actually like me. If that were to happen, then I'd definately consider going for it. But untill I know I can trust this person, I'm going to be alone.
I feel mature, but immature at the same time. I feel immature making a blog, and whining about stupid girls, no offense to you girls out there, since this place is owned by girls pretty much. But, I also feel mature, because I'm finally giving up on trying. I'm gonna let it go, and not worry about a girl stepping all over me. If you actually read this, then I guess I have to thank you. Everyone has to hear me whine about this kind of stuff, but now.. it's all over.
Dood, you're not alone.
Blarg!, August 20th, 2008 at 08:38:01pm
Mike, we've talked about this before. No guys have ever taken interest in me, and frankly if they did anyway & told me they loved me, I'd laugh & think they were joking & tell them they're wasting their time.
"you don't need a girl to make you happy"
Trusty Chords., August 21st, 2008 at 10:00:56pm
Don't put yourself out for any girls, if thats the only way they notice you, they aren't worth it.
Who Stole My Pants?, August 21st, 2008 at 05:06:40pm
Dood, you're not alone.
Blarg!, August 20th, 2008 at 09:38:01pm
I tried to love you.
POONTANG, August 20th, 2008 at 02:36:21pm
ok... want my advice...? probably not but im gonna say it anyways...
you try way too hard.
give it some time.
also, i know exactly how you feel. my mom's not married and my grandparents are always fighting and arguing and i've always felt liek i don't have any example of a good relationship... but i do have one... my uncle and his wife. they're so perfect for each others. they can make everything work. she's so flexible and understanding and he's lucky to have her.
i've also always though my mom's such a loser for choosing this life. and i've been really mad at her and thinking... "i'm never gonna be like her. i want and need someone to love me and someone to understand me." and she's a loser for not having a soulmate and not caring that no one loves her.
so0o0o0o0o0o... i don't have much positive examples of good relationships/frienships that's probably the reason i myself have neither.
and don't worry, im way more pathetic than you'll ever will be.
Baby Bondage, August 20th, 2008 at 02:30:45pm
I was about to write exactly what Dani's first sentence said.
the beatles., August 20th, 2008 at 09:14:54am
haha. i'm the same. i'll probably never find the right guy. i try to but i guess i'm just not good enough.
good luck.(:
i bet you'll find someone nice someday.
Toybox Trash, August 20th, 2008 at 02:37:20am
im sorry i'm such a horrible person.
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Fallop!an Cwac Cwac., August 19th, 2008 at 11:28:28pm
you don't need a girl to make you happy. just let it come to you, and it'll happen.but if you believe that you'll be alone your whole life, you're making things a lot tougher for yourself. just believe the right girl will come along some day. she'll show up. you're still young. you have plenty of time to find love. hang in there < 3
Bubble Wrap., August 19th, 2008 at 09:31:32pm