The Anti-Girl.
Thinking back, I was always one of the more 'developed' kids. Despite missing my first year of primary school though chronic illness, I caught up pretty fast. By the age of 7, I was reading Harry Potter. By thirteen; Solzhenitsyn. Down to the influence of my parents, I think, I knew a lot about the world when the rest of the girls were playing 'Spice Girls' in the playground. I was often an outsider, but then again, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was only recently I realised how much of an outsider I really was.
See, I'm fifteen. I'm not old, I'm not young. I'm in the middle phase of teendom. Outsiders don't really get the change to abide by trends, and the current trends are something I'm completely out of. While I still can't apply my makeup properly (and unashamedly, too, I have the rest of my life to learn) my peers are taking soft-porn pictures of themselves and displaying them over the internet. While I'm thinking through the deep, philosophical points as to whether having children is moral considering how many orphans there are in the world, two of my friends are messaging me on MySpace asking what should they do? They missed a period. Ha. Wonder why. While I'm typing this, there is an empty cup of tea and a plastic chocolate wrapper on my desk. Over the vast expanse of the internet, right as I'm typing this, I see two people on my very screen bemoaning the fact that they 'have to eat'.
I wonder what happened along the way. What happened to that kid who knew, by the age of four, that a normal term for a prime minister of her country to be in office was four years? What happened to the kid who described a pair of eyes having 'luminous qualities' when she was writing stories in year 5? Did she lose ten years of brain cells along the way and revert back to nappies?
No. At least; I don't think so. I feel more grown up than ever I have, yet am I, really? I hope so. If being an outcast for the rest of my teenage year’s means I don't have to succumb to the torrid trends of depression, eating disorders, self-exploitation, all slicked over with a thick layer of makeup and doused in a heady layer of perfume women in their thirties would wear, then thanks, I'll remain anathema.
See, I'm fifteen. I'm not old, I'm not young. I'm in the middle phase of teendom. Outsiders don't really get the change to abide by trends, and the current trends are something I'm completely out of. While I still can't apply my makeup properly (and unashamedly, too, I have the rest of my life to learn) my peers are taking soft-porn pictures of themselves and displaying them over the internet. While I'm thinking through the deep, philosophical points as to whether having children is moral considering how many orphans there are in the world, two of my friends are messaging me on MySpace asking what should they do? They missed a period. Ha. Wonder why. While I'm typing this, there is an empty cup of tea and a plastic chocolate wrapper on my desk. Over the vast expanse of the internet, right as I'm typing this, I see two people on my very screen bemoaning the fact that they 'have to eat'.
I wonder what happened along the way. What happened to that kid who knew, by the age of four, that a normal term for a prime minister of her country to be in office was four years? What happened to the kid who described a pair of eyes having 'luminous qualities' when she was writing stories in year 5? Did she lose ten years of brain cells along the way and revert back to nappies?
No. At least; I don't think so. I feel more grown up than ever I have, yet am I, really? I hope so. If being an outcast for the rest of my teenage year’s means I don't have to succumb to the torrid trends of depression, eating disorders, self-exploitation, all slicked over with a thick layer of makeup and doused in a heady layer of perfume women in their thirties would wear, then thanks, I'll remain anathema.
...I feel so soul-related to you right now. o.o
rollerpig, March 30th, 2007 at 10:51:40pm
so damn true
PaNcAkEs, March 20th, 2007 at 01:09:44pm
This is so true.
Nobodi, March 18th, 2007 at 01:36:38pm
Erm.....i don't believe in eating disorders. They're lifestyles. And....well....this was....pointless......
Ashtray Heart, March 9th, 2007 at 11:30:46am
wow, you seem older for 15. i guess that's good. totally agree with what you say. it's almost the same with me. i'm the only one in my grade who knows who Thoreau is, who actually reads, who watches the news. i'm obsessed with philosophy and psychology. i'm also obsessed with making research about art history and stuff. and i hate it a bit, because i try to talk to my friends about these things and they don't understand a sh*t.
billy fuckwit., March 6th, 2007 at 08:12:41pm
I'm like that and i'm only 14.
I've always been top of the class, and just last year i found out i was top of my gender out of my year level.
The whole year i looked around at the other girls and thought "why do they bother?" with them fussing over their make up, talking about their weight, and fussing over the latest trends.
I am the anti-social in my class when it comes to work. And i love it that way.
I see what other kids are reading during class time when we have to do silent reading, and they're reading little small books with pictures, and i'm reading about crimes and punishment.
It disappoints me when i take notice of what other people are doing.
And notice how they don't try to get somewhere in life.
Stef., March 6th, 2007 at 10:23:49am
By the time you get out of school, none of it matter anways. I think it's good that you aren't indulging in the normal behavior of teens. Most of it is so sickening.
The only sh*tty part is, is that I'm in college, and there are STILL immature f*cks who think that this is a larger high school or something. One of my friends told me a few days ago that during his freshman year, he went to the Student Health Center sick as all hell (he ended having a temperature of 105 degrees F and had to spend 8 days in the hospital) and winded up having to wait in line behind 6 sorority girls wanting to get the morning after pill. (He said they all reeked of alcohol, too)
I totally understood your point, and I firmly agree with everything you say. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and that's just awesome for a 15 year old.
I didn't even realize you were 15... I thought you were older... like 18... Go you.
wait_what, March 5th, 2007 at 10:19:06pm
That makes sence.
Riley Burrows, March 5th, 2007 at 09:16:19pm