Should I? Could I?
Okay, some of you may remember when I wrote a blog about what was, at the time, the best night of my life. Then things went sour and it haunted my dreams and rendered me sleepless for weeks after.
I'm talking, of course, about my first kiss.
For a while, I felt so amazing. Like I was on top of the world. Every one of my friends thought we were perfect for each other and just KNEW that it would happen. It had to, they said. It was so obvious, they said. They said that he would probably be the one I'd go to prom with, even though it was four or five years away. My family said that I shouldn't trust him when he said he loved me, but I should exploit it. I refused, because I was so sure that I loved him too.
When I left the party, he used my best friend's phone to call me and talk about how much he missed me already. At the time, I found it endearing. I still hadn't gotten off that high that it seemed only he could give me.
But soon there was trouble in paradise.
It only took a few days. He was constantly messaging me over YouTube, telling me how he missed me, which gradually came to 'I love you' and 'I can't wait to see you again.' It had only been what, a day or two? And he would be seeing me the next day. I sent him things like 'ditto' and vague answers that I was sure would appease the both of us. Then, at school, he never left me alone. Me or my friends. He would always sit at our lunch table or be by my locker. And if that was't enough, his friend Sam kept coming up to me to scream, "YOU'RE TEARING US APART!!!!!"
I would drop him hints that I needed space, but it never went through.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
One of the hardest decisions I ever had to make was, should I break up with him, when, and how? I ended up doing it over YouTube, as pathetic as that is. I wrote a blog about 'should I?' and one about the fact that I did it.
For weeks, I avoided him. I told him I needed space, and whenever he tried to talk to me or apologize, I told him only time and space can fix it. He tried to apologize and offer me his Green Day American Idiot Tour t-shirt as a 'please take me back' gift. I had told him every time he wore it that I loved it and would have to borrow it sometime. I didn't feel right about taking it, I was raised against taking gifts, money, or handouts. It just doesn't feel right. I told him again, 'space' and for a long time that's what he gave me.
It hurt.
Whoever said there's a fine line between love and hate was right. I was convinced I loved him, but then I was convinced that I hate him, and now I just don't know.
My problem is, I realized how huge of a mistake it was. I mean, I knew it from the time I clicked 'send', but now I really really truly realized it. And I really think I want him back.
My one, who is one of his semi-close friends, friend kept saying, trying to get me to talk to him again, that he didn't like me that way anymore. And my other friend, who I trust much more, said that he's still practically in love with me.
I don't know if he'll take me back, but I know I want him back. I also know I don't deserve him.
What should I do? Should I talk to him? Should I not even bother? Should I come right out and say, 'Ben, do you still like me?'
God, help me.
I'm talking, of course, about my first kiss.
For a while, I felt so amazing. Like I was on top of the world. Every one of my friends thought we were perfect for each other and just KNEW that it would happen. It had to, they said. It was so obvious, they said. They said that he would probably be the one I'd go to prom with, even though it was four or five years away. My family said that I shouldn't trust him when he said he loved me, but I should exploit it. I refused, because I was so sure that I loved him too.
When I left the party, he used my best friend's phone to call me and talk about how much he missed me already. At the time, I found it endearing. I still hadn't gotten off that high that it seemed only he could give me.
But soon there was trouble in paradise.
It only took a few days. He was constantly messaging me over YouTube, telling me how he missed me, which gradually came to 'I love you' and 'I can't wait to see you again.' It had only been what, a day or two? And he would be seeing me the next day. I sent him things like 'ditto' and vague answers that I was sure would appease the both of us. Then, at school, he never left me alone. Me or my friends. He would always sit at our lunch table or be by my locker. And if that was't enough, his friend Sam kept coming up to me to scream, "YOU'RE TEARING US APART!!!!!"
I would drop him hints that I needed space, but it never went through.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
One of the hardest decisions I ever had to make was, should I break up with him, when, and how? I ended up doing it over YouTube, as pathetic as that is. I wrote a blog about 'should I?' and one about the fact that I did it.
For weeks, I avoided him. I told him I needed space, and whenever he tried to talk to me or apologize, I told him only time and space can fix it. He tried to apologize and offer me his Green Day American Idiot Tour t-shirt as a 'please take me back' gift. I had told him every time he wore it that I loved it and would have to borrow it sometime. I didn't feel right about taking it, I was raised against taking gifts, money, or handouts. It just doesn't feel right. I told him again, 'space' and for a long time that's what he gave me.
It hurt.
Whoever said there's a fine line between love and hate was right. I was convinced I loved him, but then I was convinced that I hate him, and now I just don't know.
My problem is, I realized how huge of a mistake it was. I mean, I knew it from the time I clicked 'send', but now I really really truly realized it. And I really think I want him back.
My one, who is one of his semi-close friends, friend kept saying, trying to get me to talk to him again, that he didn't like me that way anymore. And my other friend, who I trust much more, said that he's still practically in love with me.
I don't know if he'll take me back, but I know I want him back. I also know I don't deserve him.
What should I do? Should I talk to him? Should I not even bother? Should I come right out and say, 'Ben, do you still like me?'
God, help me.
To me, it sounds maybe more of a you miss the attention sort of thing. After first feeling that rush that comes with being in love, when it's gone after a while you miss having some one that close to you. In my own experiences, I've often made the mistakes of telling close friends that I want to date them, simply so I could feel it, mistakingly thinking I love them which I've misinterpreted our close friendship as feelings for them. But in the end each case is different. If you do get back with him, make sure you tell him outright that what you need is space, you don't want a clingy boyfriend hanging off your every word and thought, trailing your every footstep. I wish good luck to you :D
Mareh, July 25th, 2009 at 04:07:54am
I think you're acting too harsh too fast. You're panicking, cause it's a new situation, and that's fine. But maybe instead of breaking up with him as soon as you started to get uncomfortable, you should have maybe talked to him and explain how you dont like the clinginess and maybe he would have realized it and started to change.
But now, if you want him back, just explain to him your situation.. that him hovering over you all the time is annoying and that's all you want him to change.. maybe he'll understand and take you back. (: worth a shot.
Hello, My Name Is Asshole, July 16th, 2009 at 03:37:25pm
I think you should try. Maybe if you sit down and have a talk with him, and tell him you did make a mistake, and see how he feels about everything. You're only going to know how he feels if you ask him yourself.
Skippy., July 15th, 2009 at 12:27:50am