The short writing mentioned in previous blog.
This is written using Gloria and Christian (only their names mind) and is fiction. But means a lot to me.
“You wanna know why I fuck up when I am around you?”
Christian looked up from his laptop screen to the young woman, with the brick red bob and emerald eyes, perched upon his bed. He swung his chair round so he could gaze directly at her.
“Fuck up? What do ya mean fuck up?” he asked.
She bit her lip for a moment and looked to the ceiling. Perhaps she thought the plaster would provide her with an answer.
“Blabber, rant, rave, use the same god-damned phrases in every sentence. You know? Things that fucking piss you off.” It was all said so fast and with such force that Christian could only stare.
“I never sa-“he began.
“Yeah. You did. “Gloria paused, “You wanna know why I do it?”
“Why?”
“Because I am nervous around you. No matter how well we know each other, no matter how sweet you are; I am still fucking nervous. “Gloria looked to her lap, “You don’t know how self conscious I am around you. How much I ache for you.”
“Gloria. I’m not like that. You know me. I…I don’t love. I can’t.”
“Yeah. I know.”
There was silence between the two. Gloria had a feeling of dread in her gut. How would he react? Would he tell her that they should cut off their friendship? God no. It would kill her. It would physically kill her and she knew it.
There was no doubt that Christian cared but he had a funny way of showing it. Could he even see how much Gloria was hurting? Did he care? All she wanted was his love and the security of knowing that she always had a friend in him. No matter what. Even if there was no hope for them in hell; he had to understand.
He had to understand what she couldn’t.
“I don’t know what I can say.” Christian said finally.
“Don’t. I am being silly thinking that you ever would.” Gloria looked up at him; tears sparkled in her eyes, “I was naïve to think that you could ever even understand how I was feeling. I am tried to forget about you but I can’t and I won’t. It may hurt but I am willing to go to the end of the earth for you.”
“I am willing to give up things that, I admit, aren’t good for me but that you dislike. All for you. So, I am sorry that I am not perfect for you and I am sorry that I am not a better person. But that is why you need to tell me what I could do to live up to your expectations.”
“Gloria, you aren’t making any sense.” Christian said calmly, “Just…slow down.”
“I am making fucking sense. I fucking love you. I love everything about you. The mess of your hair in the morning, your bad breath, your eyes, the curl in your hair, the hair on your mid-drift; every fucking thing. Even the scary but cute way that you pout and huff. It is fucking annoying and drives me crazy but I love it.”
Christian sat perfectly still. What could he say? She was so predictable “ he should have seen this coming. He had congratulated her on staying off the self destruction but what more could he do for her?
“Are you happy?” He asked.
“Yes. I am happy. I try to be for you. I smile for you and I am happy for you. But I can’t pretend that it doesn’t’ rip me apart inside. I can’t pretend that I don’t think about you every hour of every day. ”
Christian sighed, “You are one big cliché. But I get it. And I am sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“I am. But I’m not good at this.”
“Well, learn. I am sorry. But quite frankly your lack of emotion scares me. I don’t want you to end up alone; it pains me to think of you alone in the world. Everyone needs love. Sure its conforming but you can fight and be unhappy or take a risk and fall in love, connect with people and enjoy your life.”
Christian opened his mouth to speak but was abruptly cut off.
“You can argue all you want with logic and reason and whatever the fuck else but at least I am trying. I am not one of the most social of people either but I do it anyway because I would rather risk it and see what I think than never try it.”
“You’re a fucking bitch. You know that.”
“You know I’m right.”
“You wanna know why I fuck up when I am around you?”
Christian looked up from his laptop screen to the young woman, with the brick red bob and emerald eyes, perched upon his bed. He swung his chair round so he could gaze directly at her.
“Fuck up? What do ya mean fuck up?” he asked.
She bit her lip for a moment and looked to the ceiling. Perhaps she thought the plaster would provide her with an answer.
“Blabber, rant, rave, use the same god-damned phrases in every sentence. You know? Things that fucking piss you off.” It was all said so fast and with such force that Christian could only stare.
“I never sa-“he began.
“Yeah. You did. “Gloria paused, “You wanna know why I do it?”
“Why?”
“Because I am nervous around you. No matter how well we know each other, no matter how sweet you are; I am still fucking nervous. “Gloria looked to her lap, “You don’t know how self conscious I am around you. How much I ache for you.”
“Gloria. I’m not like that. You know me. I…I don’t love. I can’t.”
“Yeah. I know.”
There was silence between the two. Gloria had a feeling of dread in her gut. How would he react? Would he tell her that they should cut off their friendship? God no. It would kill her. It would physically kill her and she knew it.
There was no doubt that Christian cared but he had a funny way of showing it. Could he even see how much Gloria was hurting? Did he care? All she wanted was his love and the security of knowing that she always had a friend in him. No matter what. Even if there was no hope for them in hell; he had to understand.
He had to understand what she couldn’t.
“I don’t know what I can say.” Christian said finally.
“Don’t. I am being silly thinking that you ever would.” Gloria looked up at him; tears sparkled in her eyes, “I was naïve to think that you could ever even understand how I was feeling. I am tried to forget about you but I can’t and I won’t. It may hurt but I am willing to go to the end of the earth for you.”
“I am willing to give up things that, I admit, aren’t good for me but that you dislike. All for you. So, I am sorry that I am not perfect for you and I am sorry that I am not a better person. But that is why you need to tell me what I could do to live up to your expectations.”
“Gloria, you aren’t making any sense.” Christian said calmly, “Just…slow down.”
“I am making fucking sense. I fucking love you. I love everything about you. The mess of your hair in the morning, your bad breath, your eyes, the curl in your hair, the hair on your mid-drift; every fucking thing. Even the scary but cute way that you pout and huff. It is fucking annoying and drives me crazy but I love it.”
Christian sat perfectly still. What could he say? She was so predictable “ he should have seen this coming. He had congratulated her on staying off the self destruction but what more could he do for her?
“Are you happy?” He asked.
“Yes. I am happy. I try to be for you. I smile for you and I am happy for you. But I can’t pretend that it doesn’t’ rip me apart inside. I can’t pretend that I don’t think about you every hour of every day. ”
Christian sighed, “You are one big cliché. But I get it. And I am sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“I am. But I’m not good at this.”
“Well, learn. I am sorry. But quite frankly your lack of emotion scares me. I don’t want you to end up alone; it pains me to think of you alone in the world. Everyone needs love. Sure its conforming but you can fight and be unhappy or take a risk and fall in love, connect with people and enjoy your life.”
Christian opened his mouth to speak but was abruptly cut off.
“You can argue all you want with logic and reason and whatever the fuck else but at least I am trying. I am not one of the most social of people either but I do it anyway because I would rather risk it and see what I think than never try it.”
“You’re a fucking bitch. You know that.”
“You know I’m right.”
yup good. yah but a lot of words, that are not good. i maen a couple are ok, but theres a lot.
Rainy Days, November 1st, 2009 at 08:53:22pm
Swears are bad in blogs.
Just a heads up.
But that was pretty interesting.
captain america, October 31st, 2009 at 06:08:39pm