Life is Hard and I Don't Like it.

I have lots of goals. Be a relatively successful beauty blogger. Edit an indie beauty magazine. Own an ice cream parlor or small dessert based restaurant. Own a Siberian Husky. Meet Max Talbot. Meet any Pittsburgh Penguin. Design jewelry. Go to a Steelers game. Go to Russia. Help boyfriend immigrate to the US, and get married (these two go in tandem)
I don't feel like any of those are really achievable, mainly because I feel like financial stability is impossible. I guess I could be worse off. I don't go to college so I don't have tons of student loan debt. My rent and bills are reasonable, 20% of my earnings, internet bill, part of phone, and non-family meal foods, and 50% of pet-care. My mum is nice enough to provide me with a few non-necessities. But my income is really limited. I try to save literally every penny I can. I use coupons and only buy stuff I require, or is on a very good sale. I go without a lot of things like new clothes, and going out to eat with friends. I wish I could spend money on things I want instead of just need. It'd be nice to get a new dress or something every once in a while.
I'm tired of busting ass working several side and part time jobs. I pet sit for multiple clients, blog (obvs), sell Mark. and Sigma Brushes, do CashCrate, run a few websites, and take any small job I can find. Designing a website for a children's religious coloring book isn't exactly writing Beauty in Vogue. Starting next week, I'm going back to the restaurant I used to work in for most of 2010. Starting back on the 1 year anniversary of the day I quit. I loved my job there. I'm an excellent short order cook. The people I worked with were great. Most of my managers were awesome, except the main manager, who made all our lives hell. A lot has changed in a year, and none of them still work there, except my roommate, who is also my all time favorite boss. Unfortunately, hes recently been switched to overnight, so I won't be working with him very often. I'm really nervous and kinda embarrassed to go back, because I swore I'd never go back. It'd be particularly embarrassing if my former co-workers found out I'm going back, most of them stopped talking to me because they felt like I was abandoning them by quitting and moving to Australia. As fun as working there was, the conditions aren't very good. I had to fight to make minimum wage, and frequently worked over 50 hours a week with little or no overtime. The main manager was verbally abusive and degrading. I wish I didn't have to do this, but it's the only way I'll earn enough to go back to Australia, which happens to be another thing I don't want to do.
I don't like being in Australia, for reasons I don't want to go into. Right now it's the only way for me to see my boyfriend. It's getting increasingly hard for him to come to the US, and hes starting Uni in February. Our dream is for him to live in America, but the immigration system here is very difficult to navigate without the help of a lawyer, which we certainly can't afford right now. The only realistic way for him to move here is via a marriage visa. Obviously getting married would add even more expenses to the picture. All up we figure we'll have to save $10-25K in the next 3 years. That'd be a lot more doable if the job market in Sydney wasn't so poor.
It's very hard for a guy in his 20s to get a job there, especially if he doesn't fit the hard drinking, tan, tattooed, Aussie stereotype. He hasn't gotten a degree yet, he's too old to work in fast food and most retail situations (complicated wage issue), and not ~cool~ enough to work in others. He mostly gets by on temp work. The whole situation is annoying. It's hard not to get frustrated that he can't get work, but it's not his fault, its the ridiculous hiring practices that go on there. He tries quite hard.
I find it really hard to believe things will work out ok. Everyday I see my roommate, who is 31, just starting to get his shit together, mostly because he was broke when he was my age. I don't want to be that old and in the same situation. I want to be able to spend $5,10,20 without feeling guilty. I want to buy things I want, not just what I need. I want my older brother to stop calling me spoiled for still living at home. I want to live with my boyfriend, and I want him to be a legal US resident. I really want to meet Max Talbot. And also to make ice cream sundaes all day long.
Posted on January 20th, 2012 at 11:40pm


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