*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | March 27th, 2006 at 07:02pm This dwindled in the back of my mind for two days so here you go. I did want the ryhming to slow down; just as if you were excited and then slowly got bumbed ya know?
A stream of glitter
Whisp of light
Something inside
I can not fight.
A hope a feeling.
Like a flame
About to light.
I'm almost there
To feel the touch.
Out of reach.
A thought of lust.
Another kiss untasted,
One more night,
Has been wasted. |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
 | March 28th, 2006 at 02:04am It feels like you're missing a last line. Try to think of something 
The rest was good  |
maggoteen
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 31 | March 28th, 2006 at 03:58am I do like it, I like the imagery...
One thing though: it starts of rhyming and then stops. Is this intentional? I suppose it could imply loss of control but I wasn't sure if you meant to do that or not. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| March 28th, 2006 at 02:47pm Cut[e]:It feels like you're missing a last line. Try to think of something
The rest was good I agreee. |
It Had to Be You.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3593 | March 28th, 2006 at 05:36pm [Flawless Error]:Cut[e]:It feels like you're missing a last line. Try to think of something
The rest was good I agreee.
I concur.  |
hidude10
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 73 | March 28th, 2006 at 06:08pm I think it sounds pretty cool. I mean it wouldn't hurt to add a last line, but it still sounds cool. |
skittelzster
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 266 | March 28th, 2006 at 06:18pm WOW what a sex-a-lishes poem..... and its kida sweet bacuase your missing someone special...did your boyfriend go away or something or what happend?... wait u don't have to answere that question if ya don't want to!  anywaz I love your poems KEEP WRITING! |
*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | March 29th, 2006 at 03:52pm vasco:WOW what a sex-a-lishes poem..... and its kida sweet bacuase your missing someone special...did your boyfriend go away or something or what happend?... wait u don't have to answere that question if ya don't want to! anywaz I love your poems KEEP WRITING!
na no bf just a guy out of my reach...but i still want him<3 |
