Dead End

AuthorMessage
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 7th, 2006 at 01:13pm
I might as well post this here. I don’t know about this one though. Confused Tell me what you think (and why please). Be honest.


Dead End

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.
A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
For the night to come
And clean the heavens dry.
When the gloom settles
In the hours of despair
A soul helplessly is trapped
In his own nightmare.
Clawing upon the walls,
Knowing there’s no turning back,
Draped in grieving night
He has completely lost the track.
The one he used to follow
With faith put into every step
Lost itself in complexity
And left him so alone.
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Inari
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538
May 7th, 2006 at 01:14pm
I like that one.
It was really intriguing.

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.

^^^Loved that^^^
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 7th, 2006 at 01:16pm
Thank you, dear. That really means a lot to me <3
snowcherry
King For A Couple Of Days
snowcherry
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3912
May 7th, 2006 at 01:18pm
Inari:
I like that one.
It was really intriguing.

The trail of withered footsteps
Leads to a dead end street
Where hope fades into darkness
As it is wrapped up in deceit.

^^^Loved that^^^



lol Exactly the same here.

*nods*

That's what I wanted to say, too.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
May 7th, 2006 at 01:33pm
Awwww, that was awesome Very Happy
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Misanthropist
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279
May 7th, 2006 at 01:46pm
That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
<--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 7th, 2006 at 03:26pm
Thank you, sweeties. Kiss
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 7th, 2006 at 03:30pm
Vita-Koolaid:
That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
<--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Misanthropist
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279
May 7th, 2006 at 05:17pm
What's in a name?:
Vita-Koolaid:
That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
<--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?


No, no, no. I mean..when I read it out loud it was kind of weird. I just thought if the formatting was more like
the sinking sun spills out
all of its blood across the sky


or something. Gah, hard to explain.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
May 7th, 2006 at 06:28pm
That's great. Very Happy I love the rhyming scheme; it sounded really nice.
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 8th, 2006 at 05:20am
Vita-Koolaid:
What's in a name?:
Vita-Koolaid:
That was good.

A sinking sun spills all
Of its blood across the sky
<--- that...seemed a little weirdly formatted to me. But the rest was very nice.

Thanks.

How is it weirdly formatted? Is it the grammar, or the way it's formulated?
Or is it a metaphor that's hard to understand?


No, no, no. I mean..when I read it out loud it was kind of weird. I just thought if the formatting was more like
the sinking sun spills out
all of it's blood across the sky


or something. Gah, hard to explain.

Ok. But it is definitely ’its’ because ’it’s’ means it is. But you knew that, right? Wink
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
May 8th, 2006 at 05:22am
[Flawless Error]:
That's great. Very Happy I love the rhyming scheme; it sounded really nice.

Thank you, my soulmate. I’m glad ya all like my rhymes. It’s very hard to make it flow and not to seem forced, you know? Razz
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