| Author | Message |
|---|
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
 | start to a song that ive been working on i hope you
like it. o yea. the caps are screaming...told you
its a song
______________________________________________
Oh So...
Shes oh so beautiful, in her black dress,
She cant stay focused,shes just so stressed
He cant believe how her beauty shines,
He cant love his wife, so he just lies,
Shes oh so beautiful, oh so mistaken,
OH SO BEAUTIFUL,OH SO MISTAKEN!!
He stalks her in her shadow,
She screams till her lungs bleed,
He cries till his eyes shrivle to raisins,
SHES SO BEAUTIFUL!
HES SO MISTAKEN!
SHE SO BEAUTIFUL!!
HES SO MISTAKEN!!
SHES SO BEAUTIFUL!
SHE DOESNT EXIST!
HES SO MISTAKEN!
HE FADES INTO MIST!!!!
Say goodbye to what you knew, and what you thought was the truth,
Now fade to dust,
You've lost my trust,
Dreams dont come true,
Only nightmares do. |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| no one likes it  |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| i knew it sucked. |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| no one liked it -feels unloved- thanks guys |
~thought~less~
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 46 | i liked it uhuh *nods* it's much better than mine.. XD |
xXx depressed_emo xXx
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 186 | tried to hard with it...........overdid it |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
 | I didn't like it very much. But its your work, so let me ask you, do you like it? Because if you like it, thats the only thing that matters. Thats my advice to you as a fellow poet. As long as you like it, nothing else matters. Not even if the ghost of the world's first poet comes to you and tells you how ashamed he is of your poem. If you like it, stick a kick in his dick and keep writing. |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| lol its ok...but ehh no one else does which makes me sad because normally im a good writer but lately...i suck at it so yea i feel bad now |
xXx depressed_emo xXx
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 186 | maybe its where u write it thats the problem........i find that differnt locations help |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| ok u confused me a little bit there.. |
xXx depressed_emo xXx
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 186 | my gf thinks its not bad |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| k theres some one who doesnt completly hate it.....unless its sarcasm |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| radioactive...stop being so uptight about what other people think. You like it. So whats the problem? I just posted a poem. I don't care if everyone posts hate comments. I was proud of these lyrics I wrote and posted them to show off. And when you like it, its worth showing off.
I like the message of your poem. But the caps irritate me and I don't really like the style you wrote it in. But thats your style. Live and love, dude. Live and love. |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| its not really a poem its kind of a start to a song ive been working on...thats why its in caps cuz of screaming..well anyways ive always been uptight and its really annoying but yea i get what your saying. |
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278
| good girl. |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| k |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| Stop being so melodramatic! So people don’t like it. Big deal. Belive in yourself or learn form your mistakes. Either way, move on!
I don’t like it either, but don’t hate yourself or you poem/song because of my opinion. If it’s a song then say so, otherwise people won’t know and they will complain about the caps. The song feels uncreative and cliché. The rhyming seems misplaced and a tiny bit forced. It’s kinda choppy.
Btw, what do you know about music? Can you write music? If you can than good luck writing riffs to this lyrics. A new riff for each line isn’t that much fun to come up with. But perhaps you’re good enough to get around the fact that this whole thing doesn’t flow too well.
This might seem harsh and angry to you but it’s not intended to be that way. Keep writing and have some damn self esteem!  |
