| Author | Message |
|---|
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:02am Walking out on stage
This is how he vents that rage
Built up over years
Many nights he’s shed tears
I’ll stand there before him
Unlike them, I let him win
He sees me and smirks
Underneath that smile, I know the demons that lurk
Now he may be standing proud and tall
But I know his history
And it seems only I can see
Just how fragile he is, how small
And I wish I could take it away
Make those evil men pay
His outlook so bleak
His life is so grey, week after week
He’s so quiet and romantic
Should I be unhappy, it would make him panic
That’s who he is, loving and caring
But not open to sharing
Yet here on stage
He’s like a diary, opened to that specific page
Pouring out his heart and soul for me
But again, only I will see.
I just threw it together, and like always, constructive criticism is welcome as are compliments.
Thank you in advance to those lovely souls who read this and help me progress in what is not shitty poetry haha |
B.J
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 8105 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:06am Ash it rocks!!!
It's awesome!  |
Jigsawess
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2640 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:08am Thats good! =) |
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:14am Aww B.J. I love the way you love all my stuff. It gives me the warm fuzzies!!!
And thank you too DBE ^.^ |
killing loneliness
Idiot
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 572 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:19am it's pretty good...i like it...i really really like it...good work. |
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:22am Actually... I might change a line... Add a single word that will make it flow better |
B.J
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 8105 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:28am Mikko Lindstrom:Aww B.J. I love the way you love all my stuff. It gives me the warm fuzzies!!!
And thank you too DBE ^.^
thats cause they are awesome 
like meh
 |
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:30am Gosh, you're so modest |
B.J
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 8105 | May 12th, 2006 at 08:35am I sure am
I sure am |
snowcherry
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3912 | May 12th, 2006 at 09:59am I loved the idea,
that was really sweet and good.
The rhymes seemed a bit forced to me,
or a bit too simple.
So, I'm sure if you worked it over
a bit, it would be damn awsome.  |
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | May 12th, 2006 at 10:28am I shall have a tinker with it and see what happens  |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | May 12th, 2006 at 11:24am That's cool.
Like it. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | May 12th, 2006 at 11:42am I liked it The rhyme was a little forced, but it was ever so sweet. |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
 | May 12th, 2006 at 12:35pm What snowcherry and international_idiot said. ^^
Also the flow isn't the greatest. |
