| Author | Message |
|---|
Joey's Dreamer
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 41 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:37pm I know that it kind of sucks, but I wrote this for ME, so dont go ragging on it tryin to hurt me, because honestly, i dont give a shit!
here goes:
I wish I could go to sleep and never wake,
Because now I know I'm such a mistake.
I don't wanna live my life in vain,
I don't wanna cause anymore pain.
I feel invisible when I walk through the halls,
Please tell Jon this is not his fault.
I know everyone wants me dead,
Well, if no one stops me, their wishes will be met.
Burn all my things to a crisp,
So you won't have proof that I had existed.
I'll hide myself in my wall
My body will never be found... |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:45pm It was okay. It didn't really flow and the rhyming was forced. |
It Had to Be You.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3593 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:47pm Sorry hunny, but suicide poems aren't my thing. |
spill_no_sick
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 31
Gender: -
Posts: 8588 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:49pm if you write it for you and for therapy you don't have to submit it
I have JOURNALS of stuff written just for therapy, but I only submit the poems that I want others to read and critique
and some of it was poetic, but not much
it just sounded like you were steaming off thoughts....which as it turns out you were
this was just therapy for you....I don't know why you submitted it then |
Sara.
This Board Is My Home
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 31155 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:50pm [Flawless Error]:It was okay. It didn't really flow and the rhyming was forced. Agreed |
Joey's Dreamer
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 41 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:52pm yea ok ok i get it...
the rhyming was forced, and I, beleive it or not, have better poems...but thats another story...alright, no more critique!!!! |
It Had to Be You.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3593 | May 15th, 2006 at 08:55pm XOXInuYasha's Spirit XOX:yea ok ok i get it...
the rhyming was forced, and I, beleive it or not, have better poems...but thats another story...alright, no more critique!!!! When you post poetry, you are expected to receive lots of constructive criticism.
For God sakes, if you can't deal with it, then don't post anymore poetry! |
Dead End Girl
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 10219 | May 15th, 2006 at 09:01pm Lisa is right.
I remember when I first posted a song.
It was AWFUL and everyone was a lot meaner than this.
So a'member that.
TO THE POEM.
It was kind of forced but you did have some good lines in it.
Tis a good start.
But to save youself some greif, don't post suicide poems unless you think their absolutely flawless.
It's unoriginal and kind of dumb. |
Baguelle
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2727 | May 15th, 2006 at 09:03pm It was alright. It seems slightly unoriginal. I did like this part though:
XOXInuYasha's Spirit XOX:
I feel invisible when I walk through the halls,
Please tell Jon this is not his fault.
I know everyone wants me dead,
Well, if no one stops me, their wishes will be met.
Burn all my things to a crisp,
So you won't have proof that I had existed.
I know, I just critiqued your poem. I'm sorry! |
spill_no_sick
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 31
Gender: -
Posts: 8588 | May 16th, 2006 at 12:59pm Panagiotakos.<3:XOXInuYasha's Spirit XOX:yea ok ok i get it...
the rhyming was forced, and I, beleive it or not, have better poems...but thats another story...alright, no more critique!!!! When you post poetry, you are expected to receive lots of constructive criticism.
For God sakes, if you can't deal with it, then don't post anymore poetry!
I tried to say that a little nicer.....but I think we got the point across |
AngelinaMischief
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 15
 | October 9th, 2010 at 05:27pm I Like your poem ,,
it rymed good , and it made a point [ I Like that]
But it sounded a little emo ,, and that i didn't liked ! |
