| Author | Message |
|---|
Ricki
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 1 | May 22nd, 2006 at 01:23pm Green Day
They're all pumped up and thay're ready to fight
Against all odds and the cold automn night
The sound of the music that's heard for miles around
The sound like the thunder that's shaking the ground
After it's over it's hard to let go
When you have to leave at the end of the show
You can't take you're eyes off the brilliant sight
Of the best band it the world against the black of the night
They play with passion, love and driving force
That's stronger than the charge of the strongest horse
And then a whole army couldn't take them down
Once they get started you get lost in the sound
You're one with the music as they start the next song
Right then and there nothing could go wrong
If you need an idol, they'll play the roll
All of their music's just good for the soul
All three of them are a sight to behold
And all of their songs, they never get old
You lose yourself in it and it becomes an art
With the pulse of the music that beats with the heart
They inspire my to reach my dreams
And they mean so much more to me that it seems
So thanks to them for being who they are
They'll be with me forever like a beautiful scar
And I just want the world to see
How amazing Green Day will always be [/u] |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
 | May 22nd, 2006 at 01:31pm Wow... I like it! Great job! |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | May 22nd, 2006 at 02:55pm It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though. |
B.J
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: -
Gender: Male
Posts: 8105 | May 22nd, 2006 at 02:56pm [Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
I have to say the same about that |
DAMONE_doll_parts
Geek
Age: 102
Gender: Female
Posts: 266 | May 22nd, 2006 at 02:59pm like green day much? |
It Had to Be You.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3593 | May 22nd, 2006 at 04:15pm cap'ncrunchfreak:like green day much? lyk yah! 
And I'm not a fan of Green Day poems because they seem to lack originality. |
Santa Billie
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 8285 | May 22nd, 2006 at 04:19pm It Had to Be You.:cap'ncrunchfreak:like green day much? lyk yah!
And I'm not a fan of Green Day poems because they seem to lack originality.
Lack of origniality?
Or perhaps it's just that a lot of people feel the same way about Green
Day...?
I agree with everything you say in your poem and I love the use of
figurative language. Great job! |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| May 22nd, 2006 at 04:59pm [Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time. |
Santa Billie
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 8285 | May 22nd, 2006 at 05:03pm Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original... |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| May 22nd, 2006 at 05:04pm Santa Billie:Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original...
Geez, sorry.
But that's just complicating and making the reader uninterested. |
Santa Billie
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 8285 | May 22nd, 2006 at 05:06pm Ella:Santa Billie:Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original...
Geez, sorry.
But that's just complicating and making the reader uninterested.
Well it's not every writer's intention to engage the reader.
Some people write simply for themselves.
If this person is fine with her poem, she shouldn't change it. |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| May 22nd, 2006 at 05:07pm Santa Billie:Ella:Santa Billie:Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original...
Geez, sorry.
But that's just complicating and making the reader uninterested.
Well it's not every writer's intention to engage the reader.
Some people write simply for themselves.
If this person is fine with her poem, she shouldn't change it.
I wasn't trying to convince her to change it now. It's her expression, naturally.
Just giving advice for next time. |
rollerpig
GSBitch
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 62283 | May 23rd, 2006 at 09:51am I like it ..
but ya, the rhymes a bit forced .. and reading poems about Green Day feels odd 
But keep Writing! |
Escaped Mental Patient
Jackass
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1708
| May 23rd, 2006 at 11:14pm pretty good! I like it |
Kyna
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 435 | May 24th, 2006 at 03:14am Ella:Santa Billie:Ella:Santa Billie:Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original...
Geez, sorry.
But that's just complicating and making the reader uninterested.
Well it's not every writer's intention to engage the reader.
Some people write simply for themselves.
If this person is fine with her poem, she shouldn't change it.
I wasn't trying to convince her to change it now. It's her expression, naturally.
Just giving advice for next time.
I agree with Santa Billie. It is not cool to tell people how to write.
The poem is awesome by the way, especially this part:
"They play with passion, love and driving force
That's stronger than the charge of the strongest horse" |
Kid_Gates
Geek
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 289 | May 24th, 2006 at 03:28am thats awesome!! *high fives* |
Megan.
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 6962 | May 24th, 2006 at 03:32am Santa Billie:Ella:Santa Billie:Ella:[Flawless Error]:It was okay. I'm impartial to poems about Green Day though.
True.
And.
- try to fix that forced rhyming
- please seperate in stanzas next time.
How dare you tell someone to separate their poem into stanzas!!
It is the poet's own creation!
If you want this person to be original, don't tell them to do what you say!
If they did THAT wouldn't be original...
Geez, sorry.
But that's just complicating and making the reader uninterested.
Well it's not every writer's intention to engage the reader.
Some people write simply for themselves.
If this person is fine with her poem, she shouldn't change it.
Would you quite attacking people. It's NOT your poem, so back off. |
r e v e n g e
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 234 | May 24th, 2006 at 03:56am FREAKIN AWESOME!!! |
Jay Tee
Had A Life Before GSB
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 26777
| May 24th, 2006 at 03:58am Its just so typical and boring at the moment, really. You rhyme "be" with "see", "art" with "heart and you use rhyming couplets involving "night" twice. Try to be more creative with the rhyme scheme.
Plus I could think of a better line for a fair few in the poem to give it more of an edge:
Instead of - If you need an idol, they'll play the roll
Say something like - They're here for the rock and they'll stay for the roll
THEN go on to relate it to them being idols a bit later.
Its a good start, though, its a good idea. Just try and make it a little better everywhere. |
