Spirit Of '97 Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: - Gender: - Posts: 12
June 2nd, 2006 at 08:25pm
runnin' to class,
without my hall pass.
i'm stuck in this school,
with lots of gay fools.
this school is torture
and should be put a blaze.
i haven't learned anything anyways.
what i need is an escape,
maybe to a nearby lake.
anything to save me from this place.
i went out to skate,
and tripped on a rake.
nothing to grind,
i'm losing my mind.
this road is torture
and should be put a blaze.
i haven't landed anything anyways.
what i need is an escape,
maybe ishould bake a cake,
anything to save my from this place.
i wanted to drum,
but i broke my thumb.
i hate my guitar,
it got dropped at a bar.
this stage is torture
and should be put a blaze.
i haven't played anything anyways.
what i need is an escape,
maybe through a freezing lake,
anything to save my from this place.
nothing in my life is going right,
and today i lost another fight.
what i need is a way out,
before i get on my knees and pout.
please save me,
i'm going crazy,
i've got voice in my head.
i'm out of luck,
so i guess i'm stuck,
til someone comes and saves me.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
June 2nd, 2006 at 08:38pm
Your "poem" annoyed the crap out of me from the very first stanza. I bet you can figure out why.
It's pretty true, but compleatly forced. Let it flow next time you try to write. The talent's apparent, and it's trying to escapte. Let it. By the way, never use 'gay' as an insult.
I agree with every other comment here, unless you used this as a joke to emphazise the atmosphere you were giving the poem, which I highly doubt you were.