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Board index - Your poetry
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Kurtni
Admin
Kurtni
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 34289

Mibba Blog
June 5th, 2006 at 02:46pm
That was very good, but with the word choice you used, "You giggle a little, letting it all out ", that line seemed a bit out of place, but over all it is one of the better poems on GSB right now. I can't wait to read more of your work. Very Happy
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
June 5th, 2006 at 03:01pm
I agree with I_worship_tre_Cool on this one. Wink Keep it up.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
June 5th, 2006 at 03:15pm
Don't apologize, the assonance [that's what it's actually called] works really well there and sounds great. Very Happy
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
June 5th, 2006 at 03:22pm
Just that one sentence that Courtney pointed out. I believe the rest is fine.
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Inari
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538
June 5th, 2006 at 04:04pm
*shudders*
Put across well for such a gruesome topic.
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Misanthropist
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279
June 5th, 2006 at 05:19pm
It was okay.
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