An attempt at destroying writer's block.
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The Doctor Falling In Love With The Board ![]() Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 8786 ![]() ![]() | Not much to say really. I felt like doing a self-analyse. I know. I suck. But meh. Portrait of a young ailing poet A mass of copper wire, bunched together in plaits, Hang like nooses over her lumpy shoulders. A dull frizz constitutes her fringe. Her thick, coarse arms spout out Of dull brown clothing. Her fingers are short and bulge, rather like the rest of her body. Thick scars scrape across her vast stomach, Mother Nature's own knife. Her thighs are branches of pale wood, Thick and unnaturally bland. Two lumps of feet are stuck on the end Of these branches like two balls Of beige play-doh. Her face is a war-zone, Craters and unexploded shells Littered on her head. Her nose tiny and covered in oil Hardly has the capacity to keep her Cheap glasses on. Her only feature worth mentioning Is her eyes. These eyes are un-extraordinary, a overused grey blue slur. Yet, the pupils are caverns to another world Where she is far different. She doesn't live inside this shell. |
Kurtni Admin ![]() Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 34289 ![]() ![]() | A mass of copper wire, bunched together in plaits, Hang like nooses over her lumpy shoulders. A dull frizz constitutes her fringe. Nice vivid description, and I liked the Mild alliteration of the "f" sounds Her thick, coarse arms spout out Of dull brown clothing. Her fingers are short and bulge, rather like the rest of her body. Puts off a different image than before, but if you mix the two concepts together, it's actually quite intersting. Thick scars scrape across her vast stomach, Mother Nature's own knife. Her thighs are branches of pale wood, Thick and unnaturally bland. Im confused now, Im thinking of someone who is or was pregnant or a Tree. Thats keeping me interested and I like what Im reading. Two lumps of feet are stuck on the end Of these branches like two balls Of beige play-doh. That similie didn't quite fit with the rest of the poem. Her face is a war-zone, Craters and unexploded shells Littered on her head. This is a very vivid poem, and you have an intersting word choice. Not overdone and cheesy, but... I don't know the word Im looking for! It's unique to say the least Her nose, tiny and covered in oil Hardly has the capacity to keep her Cheap glasses on. Aside from the missing Comma, that was excellent. Her only feature worth mentioning Is her eyes. These eyes are un-extraordinary, an overused grey blue slur. That line was awesome, overused Grey,blue slur, thats not pretty, at all, it's the opposite, it makes me think of something icky, but you didnt just say "Her eyes sucked on ice" You used imagery and played with senses. Yet, the pupils are caverns to another world Where she is far different. She doesn't live inside this shell. The last line was a little to simple for me, but it still ended it well, I like the Pupil-cavern metaphor. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days ![]() Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 ![]() | That was a really interesting poem. I basically agree with everything I_worship_tre_Cool said about it. Nice job. =] |
The Doctor Falling In Love With The Board ![]() Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 8786 ![]() ![]() | Thank you ^_^ I just need to watch my metaphors and smilies... and those damn commas lol |
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