Santa Billie Falling In Love With The Board Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 8285
June 17th, 2006 at 02:20am
How you envy the gentle white rose
And the tears that pierce its satin lips
They glisten in the moonlight
Sour jewels upon sweet innocence
Reflecting the golden moment
That hangs above in the clouds of a trance
I can still taste the bitterness of my own storm
Releasing its breath so close to her ear
I could faintly hear the soft cry
As each tear laid a rose upon its bed
A thorn was plucked from a fragile stem
As luminous petals burned themselves to ashes
Translucent became the new white
And I was left knee deep in an inch of rotted soil
Where have all the white roses gone?
newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495
June 17th, 2006 at 04:46am
I like it, but the flow is kinda off.
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
June 17th, 2006 at 12:22pm
I love that so much. <3 I thought the flow was fine though.
Emily-Cool Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 6657
June 18th, 2006 at 07:41am
i really like it, A thorn was plucked from a fragile stem - that line is brill. well done
Inari King For A Couple Of Days Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538
June 18th, 2006 at 09:29am
Wow.
I really really liked that.
I would try and pick a favourite part but it's a bit hard.
The whole thing was incredibly beautiful.
How you envy the gentle white rose
And the tears that pierce its satin lips
They glisten in the moonlight
Sour jewels upon sweet innocence
Reflecting the golden moment
That was a good opening, I particularly like the 4th line. That hangs above in the clouds of a trance
Compared to the other lines in the poem, that had an extra syllable that made the flow bumpy.
I can still taste the bitterness of my own storm
Releasing its breath so close to her ear
I could faintly hear the soft cry
As each tear laid a rose upon its bed
A thorn was plucked from a fragile stem
As luminous petals burned themselves to ashes
Im in love with those 2 line, that has got to be my favorite part. Translucent became the new white
And I was left knee deep in an inch of rotted soil
Those line were pretty, and added a sense of drama.
Where have all the white roses gone?
The ending wasn't as powerful as the rest of the poem.
snowcherry King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 3912
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids..
Her uteris fell out..
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921
June 18th, 2006 at 02:40pm
casuallyobsessed:
I have a poem for you..
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids..
Her uteris fell out..
Alright. Rule number one: NEVER do that again. If you're going to comment somebody's poem, post something about the poem. If you want to post your own poem, make your own topic. Though I can guarantee you will get flamed for that kind of crap.
well done
