Everlasting.

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
robotchicken. Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 8423	July 12th, 2006 at 06:11pm Take your blade and ram it into my heart Hold it up to the flames of the fire Your unforgiveness tore us apart Our love was the ashes of this desire The still forest freezes and sings our lovers song Light raidiates our everlasting passion Melting as of in discontent the power of us is strong The Winter malice came earlier this year If I die in this snow would lay here aswell? Cold like the steel of the dagger one frozen tear Kissing the nape of my neck only time will tell Forever and a day is shorter than our love Just take my hand and lets dance to oblivion Disappearing into the light like angels up above ------------------------------------------- comments?
Inari King For A Couple Of Days Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538	July 13th, 2006 at 06:56am I really liked that. I loved the last verse.
robotchicken. Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 8423	July 13th, 2006 at 08:49pm Thanks^_^ :O more posts!
newagecarny Was Here Two Weeks Ago Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 42495	July 14th, 2006 at 06:22am I loved it. However Melting as of in discontent the power of us is strong To me that line doesn't make much sense. Or does it just need a comma? It also messes up the flow of the second stanza. But like I said, the idea behind it was great and you know the right words to use without it looking like you tried too hard. 87/100
The Rev Addict Age: 38 Gender: Male Posts: 14004	July 14th, 2006 at 09:55am Love It
robotchicken. Falling In Love With The Board Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 8423	July 14th, 2006 at 08:49pm Ella: I loved it. However Melting as of in discontent the power of us is strong To me that line doesn't make much sense. Or does it just need a comma? It also messes up the flow of the second stanza. But like I said, the idea behind it was great and you know the right words to use without it looking like you tried too hard. 87/100 Thank you ^_^ and yes it probably did need a comma :/

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