abc25
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2365 | July 18th, 2006 at 09:30am my first poem so if i can do things better please say so im open to all critisism
Like every normal day we wake
No one knows lives are a stake
We kiss good bye
With possibly one last sigh
Walk to work
With death a lerk
For the first time Angels cried ashes
Everything smashes
Children cry
as men and women die
The countries promised to stride
But that was all a lie
Everyone's memories of 9/11
will have carried to heaven |
Miss Misfit
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 265 | July 18th, 2006 at 09:35am Its good.
I like it.  |
~ deranged_insanity ~
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4 | July 18th, 2006 at 09:36am That was actually good.
ur great at rhyming by the way |
abc25
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2365 | July 18th, 2006 at 09:37am ~ deranged_insanity ~:That was actually good.
ur great at rhyming by the way thank you |
Hotel New Archaic
Idiot
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 789 | July 18th, 2006 at 09:41am The rhymes are good, but the rhythm and syllables are very uneven, which I, personally, don't like...
Then again, I'm not much of a poetry reader, so I might be completely off on this. |
