Author | Message |
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IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 24th, 2006 at 04:15pm I think about you every night,
I'm always thinkin' about the fight,
The one we had a few months ago.
I wish that I could've stopped myself,
Thinkin 'about how I could make myself,
better for what we had a few months ago.
I still care about you,
and I hope you still care, too.
Have you ever thought we could make it work agian?
Or do you think we'd be better off as friends?
Did the scars seal up any chance at starting all over?
Or did it make it any better?
Maybe It was just a dead end.[/i] |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 24th, 2006 at 04:23pm Like it? Anyone... |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | July 25th, 2006 at 07:41am It was okay. It was very repetitive, but if you worked on it it could be better. The first verse was especially repetitive, in phrases as well as ideas. It does have a lot of potential. Keep trying.  |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 25th, 2006 at 12:03pm thanx! |
Addison Montgomery. Falling In Love With The Board
 Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 7078
 | July 26th, 2006 at 11:40am I got most of it but a few bits I didn't quite grasp. |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 26th, 2006 at 12:37pm ok, thanks for the feedback! |
Toxic Teeth Idiot
 Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 645
 | July 26th, 2006 at 01:01pm I did like the title....i agree on the poem itself with everyone else..  |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 26th, 2006 at 01:50pm okay... |
losers_are_cool King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 4120 | July 26th, 2006 at 05:16pm Yeah, it was alright. Repetitve does pretty much sum it up.
Ex:
I still care about you,
and I hope you still care, too.
To make that sound better, you could perhaps say, "and I hope you do too" or something like that. It keeps the rhyme, keeps the idea, and loses the repetition.
Keep writing though. I'd like to see how you progress. |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 26th, 2006 at 05:18pm thanks so much! |
losers_are_cool King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 4120 | July 27th, 2006 at 12:40pm No problem.  |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 27th, 2006 at 01:56pm |
k-contentbarrier- Addict
 Age: 33 Gender: Male Posts: 14139 | July 28th, 2006 at 01:38am i like it. very honest and not trying to hide your feelings.  |
IxAmxMe Geek
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 327
 | July 28th, 2006 at 11:21am Thanks! |