Orgy
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: -
Posts: 179 | July 31st, 2006 at 12:13pm We are all meant to die
So why do we even try
To succeed in what we do?
When it all means nothing to you
Why do we even try
To deny
Our fate?
The same fate
We chose
And for those
Those who try to hide
The truth from the lies
Karma will see it through
That whatever you do
You will end up hating your life
You'll be so close to grabbing that knife
So don't try to cheat death
In the end
It will come back for you
For you are part of death's design
I wrote this one!!!! |
tAcOs!-Jay
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 83 | July 31st, 2006 at 04:18pm eh...it doesnt flow to well....but its...ok |
Meski
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 14856
 | July 31st, 2006 at 04:27pm The poem was very good but the thing that didnt make it good enough was the flow, you changed from rhyme to free verse! keep writing |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
 | July 31st, 2006 at 07:47pm Your rhyming is really forced, work on that, there are like 54867094774096795467409 other words available for you to choose from  |
