I got pwned
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 64 | September 19th, 2006 at 02:20am Love and peace filled our lives.
Nothing was wrong; nothing could die.
Until that one daring night
You told me how you were fright
Scared of what to do with me
Worried of what we'd finally be
Together forever or
forever broken?
it all depended on three words
you chose not to say.
you left that night,
drove so far away.
in what seemed like forever
without you i got a phone call
terrible things they spat
out at me. i weeped
and cried and finally
came to your will.
the big white building
terrified me as i
crawled inside, trembling.
i found your room and
there you were
bloody. torn. dying.
my heart sank and
tore in two.
what the hell
happened to you?!
why did you get so hurt?
i dragged myself to
your side and cried my
little heart out.
teling you the truth about
how i really felt.
your eyes began
to sink in tears
and you bursted out
the reality.
you loved me back but
we're horrified of
hurting your only love.
i understood, now grasping
your hand and gripping
tighter than ever.
your blood splashed
my hand but i didnt even care.
i stared into your eyes that night
and whispered to you
'i love you.'
you looked back and
in the second you said
'i love you too.'
i stayed with you that night
until the sun came up.
and by that time, my dear
they said you had gone.
the angels came and took
you away that morning.
along with my heart.
they dragged you up.
away from me. tearing me apart.
the doctors said you were
in a better place but that was
far from true.
that night i took the knife out
and did something i'll regret
i did what those idiots do.
and i killed myself for you. |
Sylar
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 5703 | September 20th, 2006 at 02:43am ^ Hmm, now see that line got to me. If you've read my poems you'll know how beautiful I think the life/death and love triangle is and to say it's idiotic... It just got to me.
BUT having said that, I like the idea because like I said, it's what I write about. |
revolutionregained
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 19
 | September 20th, 2006 at 05:53am OMFG thats beautiful. i love it. i think im gonna incorporate it into my made up story..lol.
seriously though, it was so good i immediatley printed it out,at right now at 3am called my friend and read it to her,....this poem is my new obsession.
i love romeo and juliet kind of things
<3333333333333333333 |
DudeO
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2543
| September 20th, 2006 at 03:33pm t w a t ™:Love and peace filled our lives.
my heart sank and
tore in two.
what the hell
happened to you?!
that night i took the knife out
and did something i'll regret
i did what those idiots do.
and i killed myself for you.
I liked those to parts.
The rest kind of didnt have a flow and it was jumbled like you stuck the words in. But those two were really good. Maybe if you changed the words around a bit it would make more sense. I liked it, but i'm just trying out the whole constructive crit thing. |
immadick
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 82 | September 20th, 2006 at 03:49pm ILHP:Hmm, i dont like it. It could be better 
I liked this line though "I did what those idiots do, and i killed myself for you" I agree with ILHP, Just the thing about the last line though, not the rest. I think the whole poem was amazing, But the last line was the best.
^_________^ |
