| Author | Message |
|---|
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
  | September 21st, 2006 at 09:36am Hello, stranger,
I wonder if your putting me in Danger.
I see you standing there,
But why do I care?
I see you behind the tree,
Why do you keep following me?
Do I know you?
Because your stuck to me Like glue...
I haven't finished yet, But what do you think? It's like... my second poem. xD |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| September 21st, 2006 at 04:03pm Forced. |
Ghostie.
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 495
| September 21st, 2006 at 05:00pm Hmm. I like it. You've got poem potential, you just need to let it out. It's a great start, though. Keep writing! |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| September 22nd, 2006 at 02:39pm Thank you! =D |
Emily-Jane.
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1874 | September 23rd, 2006 at 03:38am i like it  |
Fashion Zombies!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1168
| September 23rd, 2006 at 04:46am  thats good. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| September 26th, 2006 at 07:59pm xD
Thanks |
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279 | September 26th, 2006 at 08:27pm I don't like rhyming things. I don't really see an...emotional attachment to it. I think it's important to be emotional about poems. It's a neat idea though. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| September 29th, 2006 at 11:29am Thanks. |
I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!
Jackass
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 1019
| September 30th, 2006 at 06:51pm I agree. I think you have potential. So yeah, not bad. =D |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| October 3rd, 2006 at 05:11pm I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!:I agree. I think you have potential. So yeah, not bad. =D
Thanks.  |
°MorbidRose°
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1723
| October 3rd, 2006 at 05:13pm I agree with what everyone said.
I see potential, but the rhymes do sound forced.
Work on the flow, and work on maybe changing up some words and use a wider vocabulary, metaphors, the works.
:]
Nice start, just work on it. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| October 3rd, 2006 at 05:18pm Thanks
I'll try that |
Dead End Girl
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 10219 | October 3rd, 2006 at 08:23pm It sounds really forced and not like you planned it out at all.
Overall it was okay. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| October 5th, 2006 at 12:30am Thanks... |
