*friends*

ok guys heres my first poem, be nice to me...please!!! and comment people...

FRIENDS

they blinded him
scratched out his eyes
along with his soul
how could he have let them?
he didnt realising it happening
the brainwashing going like tides across him
leaving no choice but to drown
in their malace and venom
the only thing they can give
everything he has to take

Nice-ness doesn't bring improvement. Well, actually it can. But...it wasn't that great. I like the last two lines, though. And I like the similie in the sixth line. But there's somethign missing. I mean, your rythym is a little awry, but I dunno...it feels like you didn't actually put yourself into it. But you have oceans of potential.

well thanks for being honest. and showing constructive criticism.
glad you like at least some of it. a case of must try harder next time.
i dont think i intended there to be much rhythm so that probably why its wrong. it also probably doesnt seem like thaere's much of me in it because i didnt actually write it about me.

Not bad !

i like it if you keep writing poems i can tell you will become excellent at writing them, its really good for a first time poem too
oh and welcome

well thank you.
i shal write more and see what you think then

It's okay.
Very good for a first, actually.

That's really good for a first poem.
Keep writing, honey. You've got potential.

..Hmm.

Falling For GSB.:

..Hmm.

whats hmmm... supposed to mean?