A Poem With No Name. (Please Read.)

Now She Hates Me, And I hate Myself.
I walk by and get a knife of the shelf.

Why does this happen to Me?
I should just let my emotions Free.

I get up and look in the mirror.
And then I hold the knife nearer towards me.

I see, I see, that no one needs me.
I don't care if they plea for me to don't do this.

Not even a kiss on the lips can change this.
'Cause tonight I'll diss all of this.

All the things that I Fear,
Will no longer be near.

I Move the knife towards me,
As I see what is really me.

I take the knife and cut deep,
And then I shut my eyes for an eternal sleep.



.....What do you guys think? It's the second poem I ever wrote. And, It's about how I feel. Do you Like it? I can't think of a name for it

Wow. O____O That's really deep. I love it! It's very poetic. Not to mention freaking awsome for being your second poem.

And then shut my eyes for an eternal sleep. Beautiful!

TeenagexLobotomy:

Wow. O____O That's really deep. I love it! It's very poetic. Not to mention freaking awsome for being your second poem.

And then shut my eyes for an eternal sleep. Beautiful!

Thank you.

Woah.. this is really amazing!

Seriously?

Thank you.

kewl

Thanks

its deep, dark, and i can see a lot of emotion has been put in it. i like it.

Thank you!

some of it was better then the rest of it. All in all I liked it, it was kinda depressing but I liked the last rhyme best.

Thanks. Yeah, I was depressed when I wrote it.

It's ok...it just seems a little restrained by the rhyming.

Matrixx:

It's ok...it just seems a little restrained by the rhyming.

woah - this is amazing! i love it! although i dont agree, i think the rhyming is put into the poem subtly. you get some poems where people just try to rhyme for the hell of it and come out with random words which are only there for the sake of making the poem rhyme . . . ie: it's a very good poem!

Honestly, you people desperately need to read a bunch of “professional” poetry This poem is ok at it’s best. It’s so cliché it’s sad. It’s been done some hundred times, the exact same way at that. Nothing new, nothing original. Besides it’s not particularly poetical, it’s more like a suicide note (and since that wasn’t the intention that is a bad thing). The only slightly poetical is the two last line which unfortunately are so cliché it hurts. Also it’s way to repetitive.

Now She Hates Me, And I hate Myself.
I walk by and get a knife of the shelf.

Why does this happen to Me?
I should just let my emotions Free.

I get up and look in the mirror.
And then I hold the knife nearer towards me.

I see, I see, that no one needs me.
I don't care if they plea for me to don't do this.

Not even a kiss on the lips can change this.
'Cause tonight I'll diss all of this.

All the things that I Fear,
Will no longer be near.

I Move the knife towards me,
As I see what is really me.

I take the knife and cut deep,
And then I shut my eyes for an eternal sleep.

See what I mean?

And about those rhymes. Well they aren’t extremely forced but they are painfully common and overused. The only thing that was good was the flow, you seriously need to work on everything else.

I guess it’s like this because it’s only your second try but it’s better for you to hear the truth so you can improve, because I’m convinced that you can become a great poet. You just need some training.

My tips to you would be to perhaps use free verse, metaphors, less common words or more “poetic” words and not to use the same word over and over. Good luck

What's in a name?:

Honestly, you people desperately need to read a bunch of “professional” poetry

It's all been done before. There's nothing new or fresh about it; it's barely poetic it's so cliched.

Kay...Thanks

I dont think you need to read professional poetry to get into the real emotion you feel inside. I mean its good to get some backround stuff but I myself have never read a professional poem to the end. I really dont know why I guess I just want to feel it myself, to expierence it my own way than having to say "Oh I wanna write this but this guy wrote like that." I know its not what some of you ment but just my two bits.
I thought the poem was good, for your second poem it was good. :]

I'm not trying to be mean, but that is severally cliche and lacking of any poetical terms.

It's not so much that it's rhyming, it's really the fact that you tell everything rather than showing. You need metaphors and imagery.

Now, rhyming. Rhyming is absolutely horrible if you ask me. You can't express exactly how you feel as you are limited by your word choice.

It's not about how other people write... That would be cliche again. It's about uses images and metaphors that are fresh, new, and apt. Your poem has none of this.

The emotion is good, but everything else is just wrong. I'm sorry to be harsh, but I wasted too many years of my life with people telling me that my poetry was amazing when it wasn't, and I don't think it's fair for you to be subjected to this treatment.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but this really needs to be said. You CAN be a poet, but this... is not a good poem.

Good luck with whatever else life brings you.

I strongly suggest checking out the Poetry Tips sticky and reading into modern poetry. DON'T LOOK AT CLASSIC POETRY. Please. It's called classic in the way that it's been done so much that no one else should EVER do it again. Leave the rhyming in the historical poetry.

Please.

Thank you.

wow...@_@.....awesome!!! i wrote one at like 5:30 in the morning...anyone wann hear it?