Fetish Smiles. [Poem....kind of.]

Kinda short....thought I'd post it here because.....I don't know. Meh. I wrote it last night. =|

Fetish Smiles.

Fetish smiles
And demon graves
Lonley hearts
And mislead ways
Broken lives
And shattered dreams
Stereotypes
And shredded seams

Lovelorn states
And dark desire
Heavens gates
And Satans fire
Steady smiles
And soft-touch songs
Cloudy skies
And countless wrongs

Endless war
And bloody knives
Unfair trials
And bullet-proof lives
We hope and wish
And dream to die
When all in all
Life is a lie.


'Chliche and rather emo.'

That's what my friend called it.

What do you think?

That's great! I think it rhymes really well!

Thanks ^_^

Awesome poem!! One question: Did you mean "misled" instead of "mislead"?

Ahahaha. Yes.

I knew I'd spell SOMETHING wrong. x]

Your friend is pretty wrong (:
That's awesome!!

Fetish smiles
And demon graves
Lonley hearts
And mislead ways
Broken lives
And shattered dreams
Stereotypes
And shredded seams

I love this poem. It holds so much meaning, to me. In no way is it cliche. It is emo in some concepts, but there's nothing wring with that. Keep writing. I love what you've done with this, and I think you could become a really great writer.

P.S. No, it is not "mislead" It's "misled"

Oooh. Thank you....

Ahaha...yeah. I can't spell for shit =P

Thanks, though. Alot. =]

Blue © Halloween:

Oooh. Thank you....

Ahaha...yeah. I can't spell for shit =P

Thanks, though. Alot. =]

No problem. ^_^

XD You can read one of my poems, and you'd find like... 500 mistakes in there. Just proves that no matter how good you are at English, you always fuck it up when you're writing....

Lmao x]

Your friend was right in a sense. It is what some would call emo (although I hate that label, especially on poems) and it is a bit cliché. Or, rather, the last stanza.

Anyway, I really like it. You’ve got talent. You actually managed to rhyme without making it sound forced and also kept to the subject even when using rhymes (which can be rather limiting). It is repetitive but not in a bad way, it isn’t obvious or disturbing. Awesome metaphors and good choice of words.

But about that last stanza… The flow gets messed up (read it aloud and you’ll see what I mean) and it is hopelessly cliché. Perhaps you should try to rewrite it? Improve the flow maybe and take away the bloody knives part. The last stanza should tie the first two together in an ending but it just breaks away and brings the poem down a few notches.

P.S. It’s “lonely” and “Satan’s” D.S.

Psh at your friend. I don't like people that describe things as 'emo'.

But I agree with What's in a name? about the last stanza. Otherwise it was awesome, you've got real potential.

i dont give a toss bout spellin lol its a good poem and i like your pic nightmare b4 xmas rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!

You really need to get real beans. Spelling is important for successful communication. What is a poem that communicates diddly squat? Also you should be more precise about why you like or dislike poems. Give at least one reason.
Take care.