Life

Life.

Life, Is pointless,
I can't take anymore of this stress.

I sit up in my bed,
And think about all those horrible things everyone said.

I try and think of what I should do,
I get up and go over to the window, and look at the view.

I think and think, and still have no way out,
I decided that it was best if I leave, and I have no doubts.

I get up and pick up a knife,
Nothing is important, Not even life.

I fall back and close my eyes,
And then I end my the lies.

Kay, Another poem. I'm not very good like I said. So...What do you think?

Anyone like it?

Perhaps no one likes it. Or they’re just too lazy to comment.
This will sound mean but I really don’t like it. The flow is way off, the rhyming blunt and forced, the subject and approach cliché, the wording is banal and it gets a bit repetitive. But don’t worry, you’ve got that something poetical, you just have to develop it.

Some tips:
1. Free verse is easier to start with. It doesn’t limit you in any way and you can be much more elaborate.
2. Rhyming poems are more advanced but don’t give up on them. Try not to use so obvious rhymes such as “knife, life” or “bed, said”. And don’t put in a rhyming word because you have to rhyme. You’ll end up with a forced rhyme and sentences that only are fillers.
3. Give the poem some kind of even flow. Try not to make some lines very long and some short. Read it aloud and you’ll probably hear if it sounds good or not.
4. If you want to write about life being so pointless, you being miserable and suicidal you have to have a different approach because it’s been done one too many times already. Be creative, be original.
5. Try to use a more poetic phrasing. You can use metaphors, descriptive words, grand words or be vague (without loosing the message. If the readers don’t understand you’ve failed).
6. Try not to repeat words. Use synonyms or figure out another way to write what you want to say.

Now, you don’t have to follow my tips. It’s all up to you. Either way, good luck and have fun writing!

If you want to keep up with rhyming poems you can take a look at these:Rhyming Poems
They’re not professional poems. Just my own, but still. You might get some inspiration from them or something.

Beautiful!! I loved it

Mrs Green Day:

Beautiful!! I loved it

You’re 13 years old. You’ve been on this site for 4 days…*shakes head*
Everyone has the right to have their own opinion, but you could at least say why the poem was so awesome and why you like it.
It’s not fair on the poet’s side to praise him/her like that. If you don’t know much about poetry, maybe you shouldn’t comment?
Now, I know that I probably come of as a jerk, but it’s just that I see this thread as a place for poets to get constructive criticism
on their poetry in order to improve. That's that.
Take care.

Hang on.

I'm 11 and I post poetry, do you shake your head at me?

I do actually think that the flow is off, and the words are a little cliché..

Well, I would have if you’d posted a similar comment as Mrs Green Day did. I know that it was a bit unnecessary but yeah. It was just that she didn’t say anything helpful. I shook my head at him/her because of that (and because I’m so much older. I have more life experience. =)

Oh okay =D

Kay..

I, personally, didn't like it. If that's not too rude of me to say.

It's very cliche', although sometimes it's not a bad thing. But in this case, it is. It didn't flow very well, and it didn't start off very well. But I'm sure if you work on it, it'll be a lot better.

Like I said, I'm not trying to be rude. It's just my opinion. But good try.

Bright GSB.:

Oh okay =D

I like your attitude. Thank you for not bitching, I can write such blunt things sometimes [/off topic]

Kay....