The Tango

The Tango

The silence lay heavy on her lips
As her eyes spoke, intensely.
Fingertips retched out
In an invitation,
In a dare.

Footsteps piled up on the floor
Unable to keep up the pace.
She swayed him, twirling,
Until she broke loose from
The shadow stitched to her feet.

Whirling away in light gasps
And heavy breathing they
Danced as if they were one.
Their souls entwined
By the passion in two hearts
Beating simultaneously,
Creating a pulse,
A steady rhythm.

Exhaustion steadily increases,
Weighing heavily on every muscle,
Until the drowsiness kicks in.
And afterwards sleepy eyes
Try to focus on her features.

The music only they can hear
Fades away into the distance.
Tranquility settles despising
The heat in her lips curled as a smile,
And she no longer provokes him.

The silence fell upon her conscious
As her breathing spoke, mildly
Fingers gently holding
His being captured,
Within her ever present dare.

That first stanza is amazing. The lines in italics are just right - it wouldn't work if you highlighted just any word. 'Shadow stitched to her feet' was especially awesome.

Spelling corrections - I think 'holing' in the last stanza should have been 'holding'.
And the word heavy seemed to be a little repetitive through the poem.

But otherwise, I love.

*Bows* Thank you. As usually that what’s just came to mind. The rest I had to work on to create the poem, but not the first stanza

Yup, thanks.
And you’re right. *Thinks* I might change that later.

^_^

Ellen's definitely right about the italics. Lovin' it.

Yup . Hehe, thank you!

*Cries a bit because neither snowcherry or Inari (or anyone else that I know except Panda and Ellen) has commented*

I love it, especially the first stanza. I do agree with Ginger Nuts (Ellen?) pretty much completely.
I liked the line the silence lay heavy on her lips and the shadow stiched to her feet <333

You talented being, you.

Thank you loads ^_^

Psh

Aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Love it.

Thank you, darling.

I have no issues that haven't already been mentioned.

I LOVE THIS.

I LOVE ESPECIALLY THIS :- The shadow stitched to her feet.

That line...wow. WOW. I just want to take that line right there out on a date. Chyeah...

but great! ^^

I’m glad you do.

Hehe, I’ll ask the line if it wants to date you

*bows* Thanks ^^

I like it, but I noticed the tense changed back and forth from present
to past...if you know what I mean. It was a little distracting, but other
than that, your word use created great imagery =)

Thanks. The tempus doesn’t change back and forth as much as not being the same in all stanzas. It can’t be that confusing I appreciate the feedback though.

thats really good.

Thanks...

Great poem

Thank you. I little feedback wouldn't hurt tho.

the thing is, I don't like story poems, or any poems that lack elaborate metaphors/symbolism

but damn, you do the best job that doesn't fit my cup of tea (so you're more like Dr. Pepper)

the first two lines by themselves indicate you contain at least 23 different flavors
it very much indicates that it is a story (or at least a linear) poem
but it also shows something that is never taught in text books
this shows that you understand that some things cannot be explained with words, so atmosphere is important
it was easily the most brilliant statement (excluding my normal acquaintences and Specific Discussion) that I've ever seen on GSB
(I think "intensly" is so overused in poetry that it just took away from your genious)

yes, I just did a reveiw on two lines
the third line was a transition
the last lines of the first stanza were incredible
they were not complex, yet very deep
the mood was that only E.A.P. (not Elvis Aaron Presly) can imitate

I'll be up all night if I try to do a full reveiw on this
you are absolutely genious

That is without any doubt the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said about my poetry.
And it’s a real honour when it’s coming from you because you’re a pretty brilliant poet.

Thank you so much. It’s ok that you didn’t review the whole poem, what you said was worth gold.

I wouldn’t know about me being genius but I’m truly flattered that you think so.

Again, tank you!