Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
  | November 13th, 2006 at 11:58pm My Best Friend.
My best friend, Is always there,
Even in my prayer.
When I need her the most,
She holds me close.
I don't deserve a friend that good,
Because I wish I could repay her for everything she has done for me like some friends could.
I close my eyes and know she'll always be there,
Even if I give her a scare.
I dedicate this poem to Angela, My best friend who will always be there for me.
I'm sorry If I did something wrong, or upset you. ILY.
Sorry if it sucks |
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279 | November 14th, 2006 at 12:08am If you were going for a short rhyming poem, the last bit doesn't work. It doesn't really flow.
Other than that, that poem was very sweet. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| November 14th, 2006 at 12:13am Yeah, I had trouble with the ending. Sorry.
Thanks |
Emily-Cool
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 6657 | November 14th, 2006 at 06:38am Not bad! but again yes, the ending is a bit naff I suppose, But  ! |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| November 14th, 2006 at 03:29pm Thanks. |
B.A.M.F.
Geek
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 334 | November 14th, 2006 at 09:29pm In my opinion the poem was just okay. You should work on some of the rhyming like this part:
I don't deserve a friend that good,
Because I wish I could repay her for everything she has done for me like some friends could.
and
I close my eyes and know she'll always be there,
Even if I give her a scare.
The first one I listed, it seems like the second sentence of that is too long.
The other one, it seems like the second sentence is too short.
Just keep trying and you'll get better at it. |
