Author | Message |
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Jay Tee Had A Life Before GSB
 Age: 36 Gender: Male Posts: 26777
 | November 20th, 2006 at 04:52am Posted this in a thinking thread and thought I may as well put it under poetry for comments, criticism and general randomness. This one's a tongue in cheek look at the needless hype built up over holidays.
No One Gives a Shit About Boxing Day
No one gives a shit about Boxing Day
Its a stupid time of year anyway
The day after Christmas; six days til New Year
Nursing a hangover from all of the beer
And your stomach's expanded from christmas pud
The turkey and stuffing and all of the food
That you'd never normally eat
You think it's a treat
Well let me tell you what
You're looking too hot
'Cause the heating's been turned up full
Under the mistletoe you think that you've pulled
But it's just your nan 'cause you've been at the sherry
I thought this time of year was supposed to be merry
You're trapped in the snow and now Santa is dead
Fuck all your holidays... I'll enjoy Summer instead
And you can keep your Hallowe'en
You can stuff your thanksgiving
Easter don't impress me
I've gotta earn a living
Spending my cash on unopened presents
From chocolate mountains to cuddly elephants
The tree's started to rot
And the cold turkey's gone hot
I'll blame Boxing Day
All the way.... |
adrea Jackass
 Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 1323
 | November 20th, 2006 at 05:30am hahah that's cool it made me laugh |
tomamazon GSBitch
 Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 68084
 | November 20th, 2006 at 08:55am I don't like it..
Its just..I don't know.
It seems like you're shitting on holidays, even if it was only a poem. |
Jay Tee Had A Life Before GSB
 Age: 36 Gender: Male Posts: 26777
 | November 20th, 2006 at 09:57am MrzDuggi.:I don't like it..
Its just..I don't know.
It seems like you're shitting on holidays, even if it was only a poem.
409 Coffeemaker:This one's a tongue in cheek look at the needless hype built up over holidays.
It's just a bit of a joke more than anying - I enjoy Christmas, and I enjoy Boxing Day even more ('cause of the footie) It's just... xmas gets so fucking over-rated and over-hyped that I felt I'd show it's not all that great. Plus some of the lines are true for a lot of people ie. the hangover, the over-eating, buying presents no one appreciates etc.
Thanks for commenting anyway  |
tomamazon GSBitch
 Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 68084
 | November 20th, 2006 at 09:59am K, sorry I misunderstood.
STFU I'M YOUNG. |
beans Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 222 | November 20th, 2006 at 11:02am very true |
bratbassist Idiot
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 510 | November 20th, 2006 at 11:17am I liked it! |
votefordisco Rotting On Here
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 45710
| November 20th, 2006 at 11:57am Nice one. A bit angry but...good work.  |
love. King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 2844 | November 20th, 2006 at 01:18pm coolio. |
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451
| November 20th, 2006 at 01:40pm Sort of pathetic but that was what you were going for in a way (“xmas gets so fucking over-rated and over-hyped that I felt I'd show it's not all that great.”) I’m not insulting you, the poem works
I don’t like it though. The rhyming is sort of blunt the scheme a bit wired. The flow is off and I don’t find the structure that good. And I must say that I really don’t like your chosen register for a poem. You got the message through real good though, really emphasizing it in a lazily sort of way (if you know what I mean). So overall it’s an ok poem.  |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | November 20th, 2006 at 02:09pm I don't like the flow or the structure particularly, but I love the whole idea of the poem. It's a great satirical piece, but still needs work.
It reminds me of a piece that you'd study in English class for its individuality and satrical quality. Something which you'd always remember. And I agree with What's in a name? about the lazy tone - I really like that.
If you changed the rhyme scheme, maybe ABCB then it'd give you more room to get your message across without being constricted.
I really love the whole concept though... |
Jay Tee Had A Life Before GSB
 Age: 36 Gender: Male Posts: 26777
 | November 20th, 2006 at 02:15pm XD cheers for your comments, I'll have a go at editing it and come back soon with a finished piece. I admit the structure's very off and I was struggling for a rhyme every now and again but it's not bad for 20 minutes rough work imo ^_^
See you soon, then, I guess... |