Losing You (Revised)

I'm losing you,
and your going fast.

I'm losing you,
this isnt going to last.

I'm losing you,
and your friendship too.

I've lost you,
and your not comming back.

that was cool

Well...

1. Punctuation!!!!!!! >_< I am sick of all those stories of punctuation that ran away from their poems through neglect.

2. It's too repetitve and short. If you're going to write something as short as that, you cannot make it as repetitive as that.

3. You should run it through a spell-check beforehand.

4. You might have something. Let yourself experiment with different rhyme schemes (or even no rhyme at all!) and different lengths. And above all differnt subjects. The world is full of beauty, use it.

5. Imagery? If poetry is the world of the emotionally and creatively in tune, then surely the imagery is the landscape.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one doing this^

I have to point out thought that you (=the writer of the poem) don’t have to follow any of these tips.
It’s up to you. But I recon that those are some real good tips. So take hem into consideration and keep on writing.

good you all sound like my mom

that was good

hi billie:

good you all sound like my mom

Yes, isn’t it great?

No one is telling you what to do/not to do. It’s just feedback.
If you don’t want it I suggest you say so when posting your poem,
or that you keep your poems in your journal.

not really seems that i fucking hate my mom

Well, it was you who said it was good. I assume you intended to write “God”, but I can only guess…

If you hate your mother and can’t take constructive criticism, well, that’s your problem.
We were trying to help. If you can’t handle feedback (for the second time) keep your poems in your journal. Don’t bother us with them.

i will type what i want

Not anymore. You have to follow certain rules for this forum now. If you can’t handle feedback on your poems I’ll simply delete them.

i can handle feed back its just that i want to wright wat i want to wright and how i want to wright it i can take "feed back"

You’re sort of contradicting yourself there. You want to write whatever you want, how you want it but you say you have no problem with feedback? Honey, you didn’t even take the feedback you were given into consideration, now what do you make of that?

and of course you get to write the way you want, it's one of your rights...

idk

Well, I’ll tell you then. You didn’t accept the rules of this forum by getting upset because of the constructive criticism you were given.
So do you see now what went wrong here

(I suggest you look closely at rule 4 and 5)

okay thank you and i am learning to take constructive critisim

You’re welcome. That's good ^^
Oh, and if you ever need anything I’m only a pm away

i cant pm anymore

will you ask the admin to let me pm?

I can ask them but I can't leave any guarantees.

thank you......a lot