Depression At it's finest

When i feel alone
i turn to the knife
Let the blood run down my wrist
This knife is starting to control my life

I didn't mean for this to happen
I didn't want these scars
But what's done is done
And now your Gone

Tonight is the night
That it's time to give up the fight
This is a fight i can't win
It's time to end
I just might come again
And when i do
i won't say hi to you

Okay....*must remain calm*

NO.

First off not everyone who is 'depressed' will cut at their wrists. It's a classic symptom of Borderline disorder NOT depression. and also saying 'depression at it's finest' is not a responsible or even humourous title. You're condoning self-harm which is a very sensitive - and sadly in the land of poetry, cliché - topic.

Now for the poem...

1. WHERE IN THE NAME OF ICELAND IS YOUR PUNCTUATION?! It's the punctuation that sets the rhythm and such of the poem. That is simply a list of words.

2. The topic is waaaaaaaaay over-done. Seriously.

3. Honey, you can't be so blunt in this. You have to have metaphors, similies and other imagery. By making it so blunt, it conveys the idea you are emotionless. Robotic.

BUT...

Don't give up writing. Okay? Just keep working on it and you'll get better .

K, so pwnt.


o_o
My mom was depressed, but she never cut her wrists.

Hmm, I'm thinking its safe to say that this is so cliché..

And I agree with the kid above: where the fuck is your punctation and wtf, this topic is done way too much.

xx

Hey, kids, play nicely (kids =not an insult)
Let’s not get upset about the fact that this is jet another banal cutting “poem”.

You’re both right though. Although punctuation isn’t always a necessity. If you’re a skilled poet you can skip that and just use the stanzas and the end/beginning of rows to create a flow. If you’re skilled that is.

What to do to improve:
1.As Room 101 said, metaphors are a good way to go. Also descriptive words (adjectives adverbs) can be used in creating an atmosphere. You can also be vague (without loosing the message) or use grand words. The most difficult word isn’t always the right one though, keep that in mind.
2.Cutting is a very cliché topic but it can still become a decent poem. That’s hard though. Try to write about something that’s not so common instead or write in a very different/unique way.
3.You need to create a better flow. Try reading the poem aloud to here if it sounds good.
4.If you want to rhyme you must think about the flow. Also you could try not to use too banal or predictable rhymes. Try not to use so obvious rhymes such as “knife, life” or “bed, said”. And don’t put in a rhyming word because you have to rhyme. You’ll end up with a forced rhyme and sentences that only are fillers.
5.Free verse is easier to start with. It doesn’t limit you in any way and you can be much more elaborate.
6.Finally, think about the structure of the poem. Perhaps rows with a similar number of syllables or words are what you need? Or stanzas that look the same. In any case you need some kind of structure to build your poem on, and it will also be easier to avoid making it choppy.

As always, you do what you like with your poems. These are just tips. Keep writing!