Basket Case BJ
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 267
 | November 25th, 2006 at 09:45pm Get Out of my Life
Are you playing dumb with me?
cuz I can't tell
I know you were never meant to be
fuck off and go to hell
get out of my life
I have no doubts
about shutting you out
of my life
you're growing up and old too fast
your short life will never last
believe me
you were never meant to be
I'm not sorry you couldn't find your way
it's not like I helped you anyway
you seriously need to apologise
to those who found your disguise
are you playing dumb with me?
cuz I can't tell
I know you were never meant to be
fuck off and go to hell
getout of my life
it was risky and wrong
but you followed along
not knowing when to stop
failing to meet your friends at the top
I never liked you
and you never liked me
Read the writing on the wall
I read between the lines
you're filling heads with lies thought true
take those people to hell with you. |
Basket Case BJ
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 267
| November 29th, 2006 at 11:53pm I'd Love you if you commented. Hate or love I don't care |
Sodapop
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 99 | November 30th, 2006 at 07:31pm Dude, this is an awesome poem.
It seemed to flow just right and, for me at least I can't speak for anyone else, it just had a lot of emotion. I can't describe how i felt while reading this.
I especially like this part:
you're growing up and old too fast
your short life will never last
believe me
you were never meant to be
I'm not sorry you couldn't find your way
it's not like I helped you anyway |
Basket Case BJ
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 267
| December 21st, 2006 at 01:29am I thank you. You one person. |
tomamazon
GSBitch
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 68084
 | December 21st, 2006 at 03:05pm Sodapop:Dude, this is an awesome poem.
It seemed to flow just right and, for me at least I can't speak for anyone else, it just had a lot of emotion. I can't describe how i felt while reading this.
I especially like this part:
you're growing up and old too fast
your short life will never last
believe me
you were never meant to be
I'm not sorry you couldn't find your way
it's not like I helped you anyway
o_o
K.
I really didn't like it.
1) Cuz isn't a word
2) Using cuss words in a poem isn't cool and it makes the poem dirty
3) Its a bit....idk. I can't think of a word to describe it.
Keep on writing though  ! |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| December 21st, 2006 at 06:25pm Benathy.:
3) Its a bit....idk. I can't think of a word to describe it.
Maybe you wanted to say: It’s in need of structure and punctuation. The rhyming was forced and it was too repetitive in a way that didn't work.  Because that's what I’d say.
To the poet: Punctuation is your friend and capitalising won't harm you. No, seriously it would look much better and would have a nice flow if you used punctuation. You should really consider writing in stanzas too. I’m not gonna be more specific because you have some work head of you (if you want to) so my last suggestion would be: take a peek in the Poetry Tips thread. Oh, and never give up on your writing |
*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | December 21st, 2006 at 06:34pm What's in a name?:Benathy.:
3) Its a bit....idk. I can't think of a word to describe it.
Maybe you wanted to say: It’s in need of structure and punctuation. The rhyming was forced and it was too repetitive in a way that didn't work. Because that's what I’d say.
To the poet: Punctuation is your friend and capitalising won't harm you. No, seriously it would look much better and would have a nice flow if you used punctuation. You should really consider writing in stanzas too. I’m not gonna be more specific because you have some work head of you (if you want to) so my last suggestion would be: take a peek in the Poetry Tips thread. Oh, and never give up on your writing
I agree with this person above me. There was one line that I just wanted to change out of habit, but nevermind. have a nice day. =] |
