spill_no_sick
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 31
Gender: -
Posts: 8588 | November 27th, 2006 at 08:12pm notes: I originally wrote this as a song, but seeing as how the guitar was just meant to be simple and sappy, I can't see how it takes away from the actual poem
and if it seems as if I'm sacraficing for rhyme, the only intentional rhyme was in the first and third stanza with an ABCB form
the rest of the rhyme was coincidental
Ivory Ivy
She wasn’t a flower.
I saw her on the wall,
Growing towards the sky,
Before I picked her off.
She’s ivory ivy
She’s not in love
She wasn’t a flower
Because she wouldn’t bloom.
I waited past May showers
And helped her along in June.
She’s ivory ivy.
And she’s not in love
She bloomed too slow.
I had to use Miracle Grow.
I painted her like a dandelion.
Now I wear her, pretty in paint.
She’s just as beautiful
As all of the other flowers.
She’s blossomed,
So what now?
She’s ivory ivy.
She’s not in love.
No, she’s not in love. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | November 27th, 2006 at 08:49pm I like the repetition of the ivory ivy part. And I thought the rhymes in the first and third stanzas weren't forced at all and sounded really great.
She bloomed too slow.
I had to use Miracle Grow.
^ That was the only part that I found which didn't quite flow. I think it's just the overflow of syllables in the second line as compared with the first. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | November 28th, 2006 at 06:23am I agree, I didn't like those lines either. Otherwise it was absolutely beautiful. That was why they didn't fit - everything was so gorgeously poetic that those lines broke it apart too much. |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| November 28th, 2006 at 07:27am *agrees with Panda and Ellen*
I really like this poem. I like it even more now, the second time I read it, than I did at first.
It’s rather simple when it comes to choice of word and it’s rather repetitive (but not in a bad way), but the wording and imagery makes it real poetic despite the simplicity.
I also like the of the ivory ivy part, it prevents the poem from falling apart and connects the stanzas.
I adore the third stanza (second if you don’t include the ivory part). It’s just the smooth flow, choose of words, wording and the imagery (which creates some kind of diffuse atmosphere and emotion) that I like about it. |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | November 28th, 2006 at 12:49pm -this post got erased because it didn't follow the rules- |
