6 Floors

He was sitting there
In a big white chair
When I came up from behind
He’s got a manly flair
And a cold hard stare
It’s a shame that he has to die
You don’t want to know
How far I’ll go
Just to get rid of a pest
Just a number
For a status quo
And I exterminate the best

It’s a shame
That you’d have to die
Simply cuz I’ve lost my mind
It’s a shame
That you’d have to go
And you’re hitting your all time low

I’ve got my knife
And I’ll take my life
Just as soon as I’d take yours
Because it’s delight
Does it make it right?
To heave you down six floors
Hello hell
Are you doing well?
I’ll be down here soon
Am I sane or not?
I can’t tell
Everyone’s a Looney toon

It’s a shame
That you’d have to die
Simply cuz I’ve lost my mind
It’s a shame
That you’d have to go
And you’re hitting your all time low

o_o

K, so I love it, because of the osm structure.

I won't tell what I think of it as poetry, because your work always needs a different approach. I look at your writing purely as lyrics.

And as lyrics, wow. I was actually reading it really fast paced but taking in every word because of the awesome flow. The only criticism I have (which me being a little picky) is that I thing you should've spelt '6' like 'six' instead. It'd look tidier.

You punk rock thing, you.

Ginger Nuts:

And as lyrics, wow. I was actually reading it really fast paced but taking in every word because of the awesome flow.

That's exactly what I did as well. It could go great to a faster song, maybe with some harsh vocals thrown in. It was really cool.

Ohhh, and I agree about the six thing.

Ginger Nuts:

And as lyrics, wow. I was actually reading it really fast paced but taking in every word because of the awesome flow.
You punk rock thing, you.

I agree. As I was reading it I could amost hear the song. I liked it. It was almost "bouncy". I thought it was fun to read and dare I say....quirky.

okey dokey

i have fixed the 6 and changed it to six,

mrzduggi- thank you for your osm comment!

ginger nuts- thank you for your criticism and always reading ALL of my works, i really really like you
and also, could you tell me what approach you're thinking of, so i could fix it maybe? thanks

electrocore panda- thank you, i have fixed the six lol
and btw, you have the coolest name on gsb

new.slang- bouncy is my middle name

Oooh sadistic. I love this It would go very well with punkgaziod guitars. ^^

Just one thing,

this line :- Hello hell

I think it would sound better as

welcome to Hell.

Just me though ^^;

[Joan] Polemic Epidemic:

Oooh sadistic. I love this It would go very well with punkgaziod guitars. ^^

Just one thing,

this line :- Hello hell

I think it would sound better as

welcome to Hell.

Just me though ^^;

thank you buddy

you never told me about this one

i think it's one of your best actually

it made me laugh!

*ily* <-- haha

rage;love;courtney:

you never told me about this one

i think it's one of your best actually

it made me laugh!

*ily* <-- haha

thanks buddylol

ily2