Why You Should Be Asleep at 01:00 am

Why You Should Be Asleep at 01:00 am

Eyes that burn,
They’re set ablaze.
Sleep my mind,
Cotton wool inside my skull.
Tiredness sewing eyelids together.

Spine of mine
Crack and dance
Like a whip at the end of this day
And the beginning of the next.

Too late for the clock
To strike midnight,
When the early morning
Rushes over my head.

Pain numbed by yawns
Stretches from my arms
Into the tranquillity
Of the dark
Outside of my widow.

Weary thoughts lull my head,
Fooling my feet,
Making them trip.

Tumbling down,
Down towards sleep
Crashing and falling
Inside of my dreams.

Tucking my exhausted soul
Around my racing heart,
Drifting away,
Floating further.
Not here.
No more.
Entered a different realm,
The world has melted away.




Yeah, that’s what you get if writing a poem at the top of your head that late/early.
Very minor editing done. Feedback? Yes, please!

I think that 'To struck midnight' should've been strike. And 'Around me racing heart' should've been 'my'.
Oh, I can sympathise with this very well... too well.

A lot of the lines sounded very choppy. Which was good, because it's about exhaustion and desperately trying to sleep. I especially liked 'Entered a different realm, The world has melted away.'

xD I’m still tired. Thanks for the corrections.
*nods* I know

Thanks. It was intentional. (I kept hearing this song by The Matches playing in my head while I wrote it. It’s a very choppy song. Otherwise it’s got nothing to do with my poem. What? No, I’m perfectly sane )

Ooh, excellent portrayal of that beast we call insomnia. ...Not that I have a grudge against it or anything.


Tumbling down,
Down towards sleep
Crashing and falling
Inside of my dreams.

Nice flow, yo.

I especially liked the second and last stanza. To me, the first stanza could use a bit of editing. Not too sure I liked the line sleep my mind apart from that I thought it was good, I liked it's simplistic nature.

Thanks ^_^ Any thoughts on how to edit it?

Electrocore Panda.:

Ooh, excellent portrayal of that beast we call insomnia. ...Not that I have a grudge against it or anything.


Tumbling down,
Down towards sleep
Crashing and falling
Inside of my dreams.

Nice flow, yo.

Thank you No me neither

Yeah, flow is my homey