Blossom Hill

This poem sucks. Really, it does.

In her glass coffin she lies,
Under the shade of a blossom tree
Seemingly asleep, but awake she will not
For curse of a green apple
One given, and none returned.

Under pane of glass, in her flowery bed
Still, under the wind's breath
What became of the prince of her dreams?
She waits for him, still,
A Snow White Queen on the top of her blossomy hill.

I long again for the taste of your lips against mine,
And your cool, calm words of comfort.
I wish I could snuggle against you again,
Our arms a tangle of warmth and love.

But like Snow White I lay,
On my flowery bed, where the fairies play.
What became of the prince of my dreams?
I wait for him, still.
A Snow White Queen on the top of my blossomy hill.



You know, I'm not even sure blossomy is a word.

I like it. It's simple, but beautiful.

Favourite part:

Quote

For curse of a green apple
One given, and none returned.

thanx. It's my fav too.

I really liked it, I thought it was really beautiful. But you repeated 'flowery bed' twice, and it spoilt it a little, because it was such a beautiful line.

'In her glass coffin she lies,
Under the shade of a blossom tree
Seemingly asleep, but awake she will not
For curse of a green apple
One given, and none returned.'

Absolutely gorgeous.

Thankie poos.

I repeated flowery bed cause I was trying to imitate the second stanza, but making it 'me' instead of Snow White. But I do understand what you mean. What about:

But like Snow White I lay,
Beneath panes of glass, where the fairies play.

or:

But like Snow White I lay,
Under trees of blossom, where the fairies play.

I long again for the taste of your lips against mine,
And your cool, calm words of comfort.
I wish I could snuggle against you again,
Our arms a tangle of warmth and love.

.......gorgeous.

'But like Snow White I lay,
Beneath panes of glass, where the fairies play.'

That would be gorgeous.

I didn't twig onto the imitation of both stanzas. That was actually pretty clever.

Ginger Nuts:

'But like Snow White I lay,
Beneath panes of glass, where the fairies play.'

That would be gorgeous.

I didn't twig onto the imitation of both stanzas. That was actually pretty clever.

Yeah, I'm so cool like that. XD

Hmm. So should I just go ahead and edit the original post or keep it like that?

I think maybe you should keep it as it is. The repetition would have less effective otherwise.

I really like this. There's a Sylvia Plath short story called 'Blossom Street' (I think..) and in the story, that's where the mortuary is. I can see little similiarities here ^^ awesome and so unintended?

One word I didn't like :- snuggle...it just didn't fit...in my opinion. I'd have used embrace...but hey. ^^