The GSB Writers Circle.
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Joan - 'How can our dictator/dictate'. I'm not entirely sure if the repetition of dictate was needed there, I can see why you used it but I think it would sound better if you just changed the second dictate... But I loved the imagery of the mice and rodents, I interpretted it as a metaphor for religious figures trying to force beliefs on others and fighting amongst themselves, like holy wars. And how you were always contrasting images like 'golden candlesticks' and 'cardboard churches'. And the second poem was absolutely amazing - it reminded me of something for the Bible, I can't remember the exact story, but I know it involved some guy trying to build a pair of wings... it reminded me a lot of that. Even if that wasn't what you were going for; well, it's always nice that people can interpret your poetry in different ways. And this time around I thought the repetition of 'I pawed at your cold shoulder/like a bear, so bare and stark' actually worked better... Awesome work.  |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451  | Kris_the_demon:Ok, so the second one works. The first one however, that’s not philosophy. That would fall under psychology  . She’s denying the fact that he’s dead. That doesn’t have anything to do with values or a cretin way of life. Philosophy is believes but it’s ethical believes. =P |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 5278  | |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | So we'd post the link to our poems in here, then? Sounds good to me. |
| DudeO King For A Couple Of Days Age: 30 Gender: Male Posts: 2543 | |
| DudeO King For A Couple Of Days Age: 30 Gender: Male Posts: 2543 | What's in a name?: Alright, I agree. |
| wait_what Geek Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 411 | FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda: I agree. I get so confizzled sometimes... |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | lyrical_mess: Sounds great. And I can get the rules post edited if you like  |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 5278 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Well, on the final day of this fortnight's topic, I've finally been hit with inspiration, and am putting every literary fibre in my body to produce something suitable. Anyway. Reviews of poems already posted in the thread, which I haven't had chance to do for a while. Rose I remember that one of yours well - I particularly liked how powerful and domineering it was, I could imagine the words preached in the marketplace in the middle ages; the speaker adamant that he be adhered to. Kris_the_demon I'm not entirely sure how either can be applied to the topic, but I really loved the imagery you used in both. I guess the second could be associated with philosophy more so than the first, but it would still be difficult. But what these two pieces show is that you have certainly come a long way since you first started posting here - you had a lot of potential then and now your talent is starting to show through. I especially loved the bowl of stars imagery at the beginning of the second poem. lyrical_mess The only criticism I have is of the repetition of knowledge and rebellion coming from the throat; I thought that it was a very powerful image, but it became a little vague when you repeated it a few lines on. And I thought I invented the word psychobabble! I made that up for psychology class.  I wasn't sure whether you could've used a different word in its place, it just felt a little amateur, but I liked where you were going with it.But I especially loved 'I eschew your rebellion/And I’ll rise above your high/These/blasé swear words /Erupting from your throat'. |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 5278 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 5278 | |
| wait_what Geek Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 411 | |
| wait_what Geek Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 411 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | wait_what:Yesh  . You're welcome. You picked a great topic btw. |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 5278 | Ahhh. Awesome topic. I think happy poems actually do test poetic ability better than gloomy stuff. Because when you're down, you can compare it to stuff. But being happy...that's the best feeling in the world and it's always hard to describe joy. So good job.. Ooooh. I have a joke. What's better - a penny or happiness? Answer: A penny. Because nothing is better than happiness and a penny is better than nothing.  </spam> |
| billie's_little_jinx King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2055 |
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