The GSB Writers Circle.

AuthorMessage
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
December 15th, 2006 at 10:35am
Joan of Arc of Suburbia:
What's In A Name :- I love the simplicity of this. It's got a whole...FOD vibe.


Couldn't have said it better. Cool

Now dear Joan (you're my GSB uncle!), I've finally figured out what I can say about your poem. Its just so...Shake in a Aleckz kind of way. Yes, I need emoticons to describe your poem. Its sad, I know. I love the fifth verse. There's something...sweetly evil-sounding about that. Something sincere and sarcastic, if I'm making any sense. Like, when I'm saying it out loud, it just sounds so...cool. I love the power that it radiates. And also, I had to go look up a few words, so thank you for expanding my vocabulary Laughing . And like everyone said, it is very reminscent of Sylvia Plath and she'd probably be really pleased. Well, given her temperment and mental condition she'd probably be pissed off and want to hurt you, but still. You're a good writer. You're awesome.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 15th, 2006 at 11:16am
wait_what - Absolutely amazing. You really are one of my favourite poets here, along with a select few people. I especially loved where you chose to use italics, and the last verse was absolutely beautiful.

This is really going to help me write more. I'll get one posted before the deadline, but I don't have anything suitable so I'm going to start work on something.
The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
The Doctor
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786

Mibba Blog
December 15th, 2006 at 11:36am
lyrical_gaah52:


Couldn't have said it better. Cool

Now dear Joan (you're my GSB uncle!), I've finally figured out what I can say about your poem. Its just so...Shake in a Aleckz kind of way. Yes, I need emoticons to describe your poem. Its sad, I know. I love the fifth verse. There's something...sweetly evil-sounding about that. Something sincere and sarcastic, if I'm making any sense. Like, when I'm saying it out loud, it just sounds so...cool. I love the power that it radiates. And also, I had to go look up a few words, so thank you for expanding my vocabulary Laughing . And like everyone said, it is very reminscent of Sylvia Plath and she'd probably be really pleased. Well, given her temperment and mental condition she'd probably be pissed off and want to hurt you, but still. You're a good writer. You're awesome.


Shocked

My niece Ah anyway...um...thank you bunches? lmfao but anyways I'm all Blush (I speak with emoticons too Cheese) about my poem in your sig. Blush
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 18th, 2006 at 03:47pm
http://www.geekstinkbreath.net/board/viewtopic.php?p=5218577#5218577

Cool I tried. I'm not sure how I kept to the subject though. Embarassed
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
December 19th, 2006 at 09:13am
Joan of Arc of Suburbia:
What's In A Name :- I love the simplicity of this. It's got a whole...FOD vibe. The flows a bit chunky in places but very...nice song material. I'd guess.

Thanks Very Happy I know, I might fix that someday (if I can be bothered). I guess so. Dno

wait_what: You’re poem is wonderful. I love the imagery, it’s beautiful. I’m not so sure about the flow however. To me it seems a bit bumpy. I guess it’s because of the way you split up the sentences. But I love the poem none the less Very Happy
+Hybrid_Theory+
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
+Hybrid_Theory+
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 78
December 19th, 2006 at 10:26am
Live. Breathe. Die.
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
December 19th, 2006 at 10:30am
+Hybrid_Theory+:
Live. Breathe. Die.

Exactly what was that o_O (more than spam I mean)
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
December 19th, 2006 at 11:56am
Ginger Nuts:
http://www.geekstinkbreath.net/board/viewtopic.php?p=5218577#5218577

Cool I tried. I'm not sure how I kept to the subject though. Embarassed



That was really, really cool. You get all these, like, I dunno. You can see it. Anyway, I think it does keep to the subject, if you twist it a little. Like, things may not be as simple as one might think. Very Happy
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 23rd, 2006 at 06:43am
Thank you ^ Very Happy It's really hard to write when you have to stick to a specific subject... but still, it'll make us even better if we can do it.
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
December 23rd, 2006 at 01:01pm
C'mon people! There's a little more time! WRITE, DAMMIT! WRITE!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU? LAZY? STOOPID? WRITEEEEEE OR DIEEEEEEEE...

</tirade>

So um. Yeah. *cough*. We have a few more days. Write somethin'! Also, I may not be able to be on for the next few days. My parents are disconnecting the internet so that I'll study more. Rolling Eyes

Anyhoo, the person to choose the next topic is...

Uncle Joan!!! Shake
The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
The Doctor
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786

Mibba Blog
December 23rd, 2006 at 03:06pm
lmfao niiice.

Uh, I might not be here *ducks from thrown inkpots*. So....the topic from 25th December to January 1st is...


Faith

Not the mod...

Faith in yourself, faith in others, your faith, being (un)faithful, perhaps?

Retard Enjoy.
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
newagecarny
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495

Mibba
December 23rd, 2006 at 04:33pm
I hate this.

Open Your Eyes

Lay your worn out body on the floor,
Fold your cotton sweater on the bed,
Drain the beautiful colors from the palette,
Wash away the unfinished anatomy.

Scream into your comfty pillowcase,
This time the mellow sounds of the piano
Will not cure your delirious agitation.
Only the decomposing roses he once
Left on the patio, by the doorway
Are now dying, static and desaturated.
And all you do, within these gloomy walls
Is holler in pain and wish to die.

Oh wake up, you faded shadow!
And look outside your tarnished window.
The sunshine isn't that far away at all.
You're beginning to sound so cliché since
Every gasping breath sounds absolutely equal.

So as you look for a stranger's mistake,
Only to ease ones you made on your own
Dodge the bullet of the non existant nightmare
And make yourself a hot cup of tea.
Sleep in your bed, don't crawl on the parquet.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 24th, 2006 at 06:48am
You hate it? It's one of the most beautiful pieces I've ever read! The first verse was just pure poetry. I wish that I'd written this so much, it's amazing. I don't think I pick out any flaws in it, there's a perfect juxtaposition of poetic techniques, simple language, and a wider vocabulary.
lyrical_mess
Falling In Love With The Board
lyrical_mess
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 5278

Mibba Blog
December 24th, 2006 at 11:25am
Joan Greenwood:
lmfao niiice.

Uh, I might not be here *ducks from thrown inkpots*. So....the topic from 25th December to January 1st is...


Faith

Not the mod...

Faith in yourself, faith in others, your faith, being (un)faithful, perhaps?

Retard Enjoy.


A six day topic? My dear Joany, it's a fortnight per topic...so it's from December 26 to...January 9. OMG that's day Lizzie comes back!
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 24th, 2006 at 03:28pm
And that's an awesome topic. Very Happy I'm going to have fun with this.
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
December 26th, 2006 at 08:23am
^agrees. Me too ^_^
Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Ol' Blue Eyes.
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816

Mibba
December 28th, 2006 at 01:16pm
Eeeee! I like this thread a lot.

I don't think I like my poem though...


Faith
I used to wonder if I should put any sort of faith in you
Because, in all the time I've known you, you've played the rogue.
You've been the jester, been the clown, serious you were not.
So I kept my secrets safe distance, scared to share them with you.

So ironic that you were the one to find me alone with my tears.
Odd that you gathered me up, and listened to my woes.
Strange to me that, not once, did you ever try to make a joke
Out of the pain that filled my heart.

You played the part of confessor* most beautifully, to my surprise,
Patiently listening to my sobs without a hint of exasperation,
As you carefully pieced together my broken heart
With comforting words, while making a fortress of your arms.

How wrong I was to doubt you, how wrong I was to put my faith elsewhere.


Ewww. Confused

Hokay, I'm so unsure of that word. I've heard priests called "Father Confessor" when they heard confessions, but I think I could be lying completely.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 28th, 2006 at 03:21pm
I really liked this. Very Happy The structure wasn't terribly stable, but I think that's just a personal thing of mine. I loved how you used typical ideas and imagery of religious faith, but turned it around to talk about love instead. (I reeeeally like the Father Confessor idea)

The only criticism I have is that the last line sticks out from the rest of the poem a little too much. You could change it to 'How wrong I was to doubt you, how wrong to put my faith elsewhere' if you wanted to, but that's just an idea.
Ol' Blue Eyes.
King For A Couple Of Days
Ol' Blue Eyes.
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4816

Mibba
December 28th, 2006 at 03:45pm
Ginger Nuts:
I really liked this. Very Happy The structure wasn't terribly stable, but I think that's just a personal thing of mine. I loved how you used typical ideas and imagery of religious faith, but turned it around to talk about love instead. (I reeeeally like the Father Confessor idea)

The only criticism I have is that the last line sticks out from the rest of the poem a little too much. You could change it to 'How wrong I was to doubt you, how wrong to put my faith elsewhere' if you wanted to, but that's just an idea.
I think the last line was awkward as well, but I wasn't sure what to do with it.


I like your idea tons. I'll use that, thanks a million. Hug
The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
The Doctor
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786

Mibba Blog
December 30th, 2006 at 10:50am
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