Why?

o_o

oh.


K, so I'm thinking CLICHÉ CLICHÉ CLICHÉ.
The rhyming was forced and I didn't think the flow was that stable either.

Keep on writing and you'll improve!

Okay, yes it was cliche...and frankly not that good but here's why:

1. The first line is a well known phrase, like 'blind as a bat' or 'hard as a rock' you should use those in poetry. They hardly ever work.
2. The poem turned into a cutting poem, and those are NEVER good unless made unique and much more descriptive. Etching cuts deep in your soul
And cuts behind your sleeve. was just an example of what didn't work.
3. My absoulte biggest complaint is that you said I'm not being a depressed emo girl
Because what I'm saying is true
Why can't people be more sensitive
And love you for being you?

the rhyme, is unessesary. The emo girl mention? A bad choice. It's not poetry when you start introducing stereotypical views.

If you want to write this subject I suggest more descriptions, or at least some better ideas for stanzas. You'll get the hang of it!

That's awesome! What is really cliche-ed is that people do not understand, and frankly that's why they say it sucks. I, myself love it!

And, Misanthropist, please learn some manners!

Benathy.:

o_o

oh.


K, so I'm thinking CLICHÉ CLICHÉ CLICHÉ.
The rhyming was forced and I didn't think the flow was that stable either.

Keep on writing and you'll improve!

agrees x 8

XLoveXLikeXWinterX:

And, Misanthropist, please learn some manners!

She was just critiquing it..

Like the rules say so o_O

Over-Rated:

XLoveXLikeXWinterX:

And, Misanthropist, please learn some manners!

She was just critiquing it..

Like the rules say so o_O

yeah it's not like she was blatantly saying "it sucked"
she's still encouraging her to keep at writing, IMO it's not rude
rude would be "OMG THAT SUCKED STOP WRITING ALL TOGETHER!!!".

I think it's a good poem.
It's simple but yet affective.
Not every poem has to have the greatest rhyming or the greatest flow.
All I think you have to do is get your feelings across with some stronger metaphors.
It's still good.

It's really good. I've actually checked out your profile tickmipickle and you're only 15 (and you have the same birthday as me ) So I think that it's very good for someone so young. I don't understand why peole have critisized it so much, I couldn't write something as good as that!!! I know that everyone is entitled to their opinion but I feel that people are being far too picky. After all, it's only fun

'I'm not being a depressed emo girl.'

That line really takes any credibility away from the poem. If you replaced it with something else (can't think of anything at the moment) it would make the poem better overall.

I do like this a little more than your other poem, and I did like;
'Like an arrow through your heart
Like deaths cold, icy kiss'.

I think you could improve if you tried something different. I'm going to say one thing, and that's for you to try more free verse, without rhyming. Rhyming well is hard, even for skilled poets. Free verse will give you much more freedom to experiment with words, write down exactly what you want to say, and play around with strong imagery.

Hope that helps.

XLoveXLikeXWinterX:

That's awesome! What is really cliche-ed is that people do not understand, and frankly that's why they say it sucks. I, myself love it!

And, Misanthropist, please learn some manners!

wtf.

People do not understand?



To be honest, I really didn't understand it. It was badly written and the rhyming is forced and stuff.

None of us said we thought it sucked. We explained what was wrong with it and added some advice. wtf.

Hey people, you're really giving the girl a hard time. You're being far too critical, her poem is actually very good but the majority saying that it's badly written. I can't understand why you think that!!!! This forum is just for fun, it's not like it's a big competition where every little mistake is gonna kill you. I think that some of you are being far too fussy.

And I think you don't understand why people post here. To get criticism.

I really suggest you read some 'professional' poetry.

K, so i like the poem. Its not really amazing and 'Wow'ing. Its .. Too direct? If that makes sense. I still like it though.
Well, I myself love the fact that people can give constructive criticism. Because thats what it is. Unconstructive criticism would be 'That sucked. Dont ever write a poem again.' Constrructive criticism is what Misanthropist and Benathy posted; Critique, advice and encuragement.
So, keep writing! It'll only get better.

Ginger Nuts, I didn't mean to upset you in anyway. I know that you're meant to give criticism, it's the only way writers can improve. I just felt that people were being a bit too harsh. Sorry if I upset you or made you angry

Okay I'll try to say something else besides talking about how cliché it is.



...and it is.



I suggest you try to improve by reading other people's poetry. It can be from GSB or Sylvia Plath herself, for as long as I care.
I don't see your feeling for metaphores or practically any element a decent poem should have. I'm no one to tell you this, but maybe you should consider quitting poetry for a while until you learn these things. Sure, an artist has to have their freedom, but some theory before practice goes a long way.

Cheers.

I'm not angry, it's okay. I don't like telling people about forum rules because I'm not a mod. I was only saying that even if you think people are being harsh, you need to say what you like about the poem. Just a little something. Everyone can hear 'oh, I like it', but it usually means more when they hear what someone likes about it.

XLoveXLikeXWinterX:

That's awesome! What is really cliche-ed is that people do not understand, and frankly that's why they say it sucks. I, myself love it!

And, Misanthropist, please learn some manners!

She wasnt being mean. She was actually helping.