| Author | Message |
|---|
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 17th, 2006 at 11:31am Painted Lies
Faded landscape of your nightmare
Sketch tears that fell from these eyes
Lift your pastel broken wings
Fly into the charcoal sky
You're broken like a westbound sign
There's not much pain you cannot bear
Your experience misleads their dreams
You let them down but do you care?
Painted scars adorn your face
Gloom dancing in every cell
Victim of a thousand wars
Burn with every lie you tell
Every stain of ink you print
Across the wall of dirty roles
Brush away the pain you gave
That set them in their rotten homes
Gleam of eyes they follow you
As you draw disasters born
Forsaken talent in those hands
As you construct raw hate reformed
Erase the guilt that's in your soul
Crayon strokes in first degree
Break the black and white inside
Live a painted lie for free |
Mrs. Mouse
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 2 | December 17th, 2006 at 11:34am cool dude. ILY!! <33 (: youre seriously getting better. |
tomamazon
GSBitch
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 68084
  | December 17th, 2006 at 11:37am 0____0
I really like it.
Usually, I'd pass this off as a cliché poem, written by a person desperate for attention.
I love the imagery and the rhyming isn't as forced as some. You seem to use the concept of colour a lot in the first stanza and that makes you want to go 'LOL MUR!'
Thanks for posting! |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 17th, 2006 at 11:48am Lmfao! xD Thanks, both of you. And Mrs. Mouse ILY too (:
And to Benathy., thanks :]
I actually wanted to make this sound like a painting, then I sort of strayed and ended up with this xD |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | December 17th, 2006 at 01:41pm I really love this. I love it when someone uses an ABCB rhyme scheme and pulls it off well. 
'Faded landscape of your nightmare
Sketch tears that fell from these eyes
Lift your pastel broken wings
Fly into the charcoal sky'.
That stanza was absolutely gorgeous.  |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 18th, 2006 at 01:29am Ginger Nuts:I really love this. I love it when someone uses an ABCB rhyme scheme and pulls it off well.
'Faded landscape of your nightmare
Sketch tears that fell from these eyes
Lift your pastel broken wings
Fly into the charcoal sky'.
That stanza was absolutely gorgeous.
Oh my gosh thank you so much
I've always loooooved your poetry xD
And for this comment to come from you..
It made me smile xD |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 18th, 2006 at 01:40am Aw, thanks Morreh (: You're the best wife I've ever had. You're awesome as well. -hugs and kisses- |
Hilda the Hag
Geek
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 130 | December 18th, 2006 at 01:44am one word.three letters.WOW! |
dramamine;
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2004
| December 18th, 2006 at 03:47am Very good! :] |
Yay!
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 81
Gender: -
Posts: 65 | December 18th, 2006 at 03:47am so i did
|
FINGER_FUDGE
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 23 | December 18th, 2006 at 11:18am ooo....me like  |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| December 18th, 2006 at 12:52pm
You're broken like a westbound sign
Green Day reference maybe?
|
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 19th, 2006 at 12:02am Teehee.
Yes o_o
-hides in shame-
Thanks everyone! |
†Gothic_zAi†
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 150 | December 19th, 2006 at 12:05am *claps hands* awsome!!
i must say this is really good.. |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| December 19th, 2006 at 07:47am YUZHEN! [IsInLove]:Teehee.
Yes o_o
-hides in shame-
Thanks everyone!
I praise originality. Sorry. |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 19th, 2006 at 09:52am Nah, its okay. Thanks Zai :] |
DudeO
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2543
| December 19th, 2006 at 09:13pm Painted scars adorn your face
Gloom dancing in every cell
Victim of a thousand wars
Burn with every lie you tell
A-friggin-mazing. |
freedumb
Idiot
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 617 | December 19th, 2006 at 09:35pm I really LOVED the first and last stanzas.. they were amazing |
radioactive
Geek
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
| December 20th, 2006 at 03:28am I loved it. tis verrrdy goood. =]] |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | December 20th, 2006 at 10:25am Spank yoo peoples (: |
