Dance Upon the Air, Live Amongst the Sky *Edit

Life seems so minuscule in contrast to
the setting sun over the endless scape.
The colors extend to eternity in the
flash of an eye. With another, they
blend with the unthinkable grief that
encompasses the juxtaposed dusk air.

You said: I hope you find solace in the
wilted petal of a rose, in the decaying wood
of an oak tree, in the tears of death...
but more importantly-
in the happiness in that which you most fear.

I stand quite differently now, the sun to
my back and the airstream to my face. I still
have yet to seek those ideals in which you
dream, but the yellow loss came much too soon.

You whispered names to my hair and
carved reveries on my clocks. I stand upon
the hill, overlooking the sun. I turned back now,
but you knew I would do this all along-
now didn’t you?

You clung to every thorn and listened to every
lightning bolt as a shooting star escaping the
sky’s chokehold. We stare at each other, silent:
Our lives are beautiful



I moved the "but more importantly" from the second stanza, third line to its own line. I feel that, yes, it did interrupt the flow, and it still does, but in a more subtle, yet poetic way. That line is introducing something more important, and its purpose is to catch your attention so you don't miss what's coming.

Thanks for the compliments and criticisms. <3

I can't choose a favourite line because it's so gorgeous. The only criticism I have is that the structure would look tidier if you were to rephrase the second stanza; 'importantly' kind of ruins the flow.

But otherwise, I love.

Very well written