Milk
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3741
  | December 17th, 2006 at 09:33pm I haven't posted this one yet... I posted the tabs for it, too. (I'm allowed to post them, right?) It's pretty repetetive, but I would like some feedback on it.
Pain For Pride
There was never more a perfect sight
A loveless man who could do no right
The emptiness we feel inside
A hopeless joy called pain for pride
We all have this dark sadness
Immaculate and lovely madness
Our mentality is crazed
You leave me so amazed
A hopeless joy I call pain for pride
Now this man, he isn’t young
He’s grown up and bit his tongue
But the sweetest words, that I can’t find
Have left me now, I’ve lost my mind
We all have this dark sadness
Immaculate and lovely madness
Our mentality is crazed
You leave me so amazed
A hopeless joy we call pain for pride
This hopeless joy is no free ride
The painful joy is hopeless pride
It’s a hopeless joy called pain for pride
|-------------------------------------------| VERSE (x4)
|-------------------------------------------|
|-------------------------------------------|
|----8-8-8-8---------10-8-6--------------|
|----8-8-8-8---------10-8-6--------------|
|----6-6-6-6---------8--6-4--------------|
|-------------------------------------------| CHORUS (x6)
|-------------------------------------------|
|-------------------------------------------|
|----7-7-7-7---9-9-9---------------------|
|----7-7-7-7---9-9-9---------------------|
|----5-5-5-5---7-7-7---------------------| |
FINGER_FUDGE
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 23 | December 18th, 2006 at 11:19am Excellent. One of the best poems I've come across  |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| December 19th, 2006 at 09:33am Milk:I posted the tabs for it, too. (I'm allowed to post them, right?)
Yes, of course 
I like it. I find it quite catchy and you rhymed quite well. I did find the “young”, “tongue” bit somewhat forced however, because of the content more than because of the words. Also, don’t like the ending. It felt a bit off and the repetition didn’t work that well. Otherwise it’s a cool song  |
Milk
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 3741
| December 19th, 2006 at 04:42pm What's in a name?:
Yes, of course
I like it. I find it quite catchy and you rhymed quite well. I did find the “young”, “tongue” bit somewhat forced however, because of the content more than because of the words. Also, don’t like the ending. It felt a bit off and the repetition didn’t work that well. Otherwise it’s a cool song
Thank you! Your response was very helpful, and you can be sure you're gonna see more from me. |
