Past Tense

Why won't you listen to me!?!?
I can't understand why you won't see.
All the words that you've said,
are grating on the nerves in my head!!!

Now that we're spinning out of control,
there is something you must know.
There is no way out!!!
Even if you shout,
you will soon be through
cause everyone hates you!!!

And now I'm way past tense.
I am riding the fence.
I hate what you always have been.
Now I've had enough.
Won't you please just shut up
Before I commit an unthinkable sin?

I don't understand why you won't go!!!
Is it all a part of this show!?
I pray your end will soon be near,
cause nobody wants you here.

Now that we're spinning out of control,
there is something that you must know.
There is no way out!!!
Even if you shout,
you will soon be through
cause everyone hates you!!!

Now you're in the past tense.
We're making jokes at your expense.
So sorry you couldn't stay.
You've made a horrible friend
now this is the end.
And 'good riddance' is all I can say.

Cause = Reason, Basis, Produce, Trigger
‘Cause = Because


Really like the last verse, it rocks. I also like the way you used “paste tense”. Overall it was a good song/poem. (It felt a little like a song ^^)
The multiple exclamation and question marks gotta go though. It looks untidy and “childish”.


There is no way out!!!
Even if you shout,
you will soon be through
cause everyone hates you!!!
The rhyming here felt a bit forced and banal. If you want to rhyme you should try not to use such common words to rhyme with and you must make sure that the rhyming word (and the whole sentence) isn’t there for the sole purpose of rhyming (that’s a filler and that’s a no no ). Do just like you did in the last verse
Here’s a tool for finding rhymes

But still, I really liked it

Thank you for those pointers. This is the first poem i've written in months so I've gotta get back into my poetic train of thought. And as for the extra punctuation, since I'm not reading it to you I feel I have to put those marks in to stress the true feeling of the line. Like I don't want 'cause(thanks for that) everyone hates you to just be read, I want it shouted out. I hope that clarifies it for you. In fact if you ever see my other poetry again you'll see that I use those marks a lot. Thank you for your help.